Sirius JOW #675

This is my more or less annual Dog Days JOW.  The last half of the month of August, when Sirius, the Dog Star is most obvious in the sky, is traditionally the hottest time of the year.  Here in Texas it also means we only have about one more month of full heat before we can start hoping for a ‘cold front’ to give us a break.  That is those of us who have not had a nice vacation either at cooler altitudes or by hanging close the world’s largest heat sink (the Pacific Ocean).

            So the general theme of this offering is dog related.  Enjoy.

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It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on down there. 
"It's slow here, too", said Satan 
"Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun." 
"Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got all the dogs up there." 
"I know," answered God, "But you've got all the dog show judges." 

Indications you might have a stupid dog.

·         Lengthy pause after "Bow" while it tries to remember "Wow"

·         Buries tail, wags bones

·         When you give him Alpo, he just eats the meat by-products

·         Despite the overwhelming evidence, still smokes cigarettes

·         Constantly chasing people named "Katz"

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Here are some interesting potential dog breeds developed by crossing existing breeds.

Irish Water Spaniel X English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever X Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Great Pyrenees X Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese X Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Newfoundland X Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier X Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Collie X Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound X Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Malamute X Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

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Some dog quotes

·         Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. -Dave Barry

·         You always sympathize with the underdog, except when the other dog is yours. 

·         Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies. 

Well-phrased signs:

·         On a fence: "Salesmen welcome, my mastiff is hungry and dog food is expensive."

·         In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit. Stay."

A man tied his Great Dane outside the grocery store and went inside to do some shopping.   A little while later another man came over to him and asked if the Great Dane outside was his. He replied that it was and then the other man said, “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but I believe my dog just killed your dog.”

The owner of the Great Dane looked at him and asked what kind of dog he had, to which he replied that he had a Chihuahua. The Great Dane’s owner looked at the other man as if he’d lost his mind and asked, “How could that be?”

The other man replied, “Well I’m afraid he choked on him.

An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually would be paid enough to get by to the next day. Mace and his master lived from one day to the next on what little these jobs would bring in. 
One bright, sunny day the old man said goodbye to his dog and headed in to town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in one of the homes there that would take him most of the day and would probably pay enough for the remainder of the month, if he managed the money carefully. He headed for town with a spring in his step and a whistle on his lips. 
Inside the house and ready to start, the old man reached in the bag for his wrench. To his surprise he didn't feel it. He dug around again, but there didn't seem to be any wrench. He looked in the bag, and then dumped its contents on the floor, but still no wrench. Reality set in. Without a wrench he couldn't finish the job, and without the pay he couldn't even buy food for supper. 
When he finally came to grips with reality, he told the lady who hired him what the situation was. While she sympathized with his situation, the job needed to be done. If the old man couldn't do it, she would have to hire someone else. 
The old man packed up his tools and headed home, head bowed and shoulders stooped. The whistle was gone and no longer was there a spring in his step. A walk that normally took 15 minutes seemed to last forever. But finally the old shack came into view, and there was Mace in the distance.
When the dog saw his master, he came running, tail wagging, telling the old man how glad he was to see him. Kneeling beside the hound, the man began to pet him, and through ear-filled eyes told the dog that there would be no supper tonight and no food for tomorrow. What's more, without money to buy a new wrench, he had no idea what the future held. It was the loneliest, most helpless feeling he had ever had! 
Mace turned and rooting around in the grass brought out the missing wrench; the man’s despair turned in an instant to joy! It was the wrench! The old man had dropped it on his way out that morning, and it would have been lost forever until Mace found it for him! 
The old man grabbed the dog, gave him a hug that almost suffocated him, and ran into the house. Reaching for a stub of pencil and the only piece of paper he had, he wrote a moving tribute to his canine companion. 
Few people have ever heard these words...until now, that is. One man who did happen to read them changed them a bit and has his name recorded in music history. The old man never did get the credit he deserved. But now you are privileged to read the beginning line of his original poem, which went:

"Amazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me." 

Tom