Old Retiring JOW #688

            Before I launch into my Jokes of the Week I have a small administrative note.  Sirius/XM satellite radio has a channel called Margaritaville featuring Jimmy Buffett/beach/soft rock selections.  Radio Margaritaville has a feature called Fruitcakes on the radio were a select group of their more intelligent, articulate, charming, good-looking, and modest listeners do a segment introducing some of their favorite Jimmy Buffett songs and what those songs mean to them.  I was selected for this prestigious role.  I recorded my intros to my four selections of his music last week.  They will be played on Radio Margaritaville at 2200 on Wednesday 27 November, Friday 29 November at 0800, Sunday 1 December at 1400, and finally Monday, 2 December at 2000.

Since Pat, a JOW recipient, announced his sort of retirement I thought I would have an old age/retirement JOW.  I myself have reached that age where everything’s starting to click for me. My knees, my elbows, my neck … And it’s downright scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

But as As Bob put it: 

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY, AND EVERY DAY!

(He had to yell because his hearing aid needs a new battery.)

---------------------------------

Speaking of old, cousin Bil offered this thought for the day:
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured outit would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

He also spotted a sign near San Jose International airport in Alajuela, Costa Rica
“Serving weary travelers since The Last Millennium: (1999)” 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to nibble on my ear."

Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Pat, an older man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Pat walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
His doctor pulled him aside and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Pat replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

####################

The old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"

The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?"
 "I'm 98," the man announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
      The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt."

*************************

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.

“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”

“But Larry’s still alive.”

“I know, but his hair is gone.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

“I’d like a banana split with extras,” he wheezed.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

*A tip to prevent sagging as you age- Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

Finally a tornado joke:

A family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. The husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead.

He didn’t return for the longest time, so the wife went looking for him. She was upstairs calling his name, when she heard the answering machine click on.

"Hi," a voice said. "This is Dad. I’m locked out of the house."