Veteran JOW #687

Today being Veteran’s Day I thought it appropriate for me to focus on veterans; those people who are prepared to fight our wars.  Of course ‘war has never solved anything’ - except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism.  We still need our armed forces because the world is just filled with assholes.  I have a couple of favorite quotes on the subject:

'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm. – George Orwell

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First, some sad news from Australia … the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

The families of veterans have sacrifices to make, too.

After an overnight flight to meet a soldier at his latest military assignment, the military spouse wearily arrived with six children – all under age 12. Collecting the many suitcases, they entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched the entourage in disbelief.

“Ma’am,” he said, “do all these children and all this luggage belong to you?”

“Yes, sir,” the mother said with a sigh. “They’re all mine.”

The customs agent began his interrogation: “Ma’am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?”

“Sir,” she calmly answered, “if I’d had any of those items, I would have used them by now.”

The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.

Basic flying rules:

Gravity may not be fair, but it is the law.

Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go 
near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

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Some war truisms:

·         The madness of war can extract a heavy toll. Please have exact change.

·         The further away you are from your friends, the less likely it is that they can help you when you really need them the most.

·         If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to get a nasty surprise.

·         No matter what you do, the bullet with your name on it will get you. So too can the ones addressed "To Whom It May Concern".

·         If you are wearing body armor, the incoming will probably miss that part.

·         Combat pay is a flawed concept.

·         Everybody's a hero on the ground in the club after the fourth drink.

·         Medals are nice but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

·         In fact the only medal you really want to be awarded is the Longevity Medal.

·         Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"
Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"
First soldier: "Why not?"
Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"

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The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor.

During one such conflict, a ROK (Republic of Korea) commander, whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, got on the horn to legendary Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean officer.

General Puller asked for another count.... and got a similar, anxious answer: "Many, many, MANY Chinese!"

" %* # ! dammit ! “swore Puller, "Put my Marine liaison officer on the radio." 

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes sir! ! ?" 

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "exactly how many Chinese you got up there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!" 

"Thank God." exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who knows how to count."

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About the only enemy still shooting at us are the Taliban.  It is hard to tell one lying, treacherous, murderous Afghan from another.  But you might be a Taliban if:

·         You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

·         You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

·         You have more wives than teeth.

·         You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

·         You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

·         You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

·         You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

·         You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Here are some service-specific bits -

The U.S. Navy – We can shoot you dead from the fantail of a destroyer in a choppy sea; at night - on Easter Sunday.

Of course my personal mantra was: One Shot, Twelve Kills - U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support

The Marine Corps - When It Absolutely, Positively Has to Be Destroyed Overnight
Death Smiles at Everyone - Marines Smile Back
Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.

2. Have a plan.

3. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

4. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet while patrolling.

5. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

6. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

  

US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.

2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.

3. Curse bitterly.

4. Curse bitterly.

5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; they can get you killed.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.

5. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.

6. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.

7. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.

8. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.

9. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Deploy Marines

Go Navy !  

And finally a Top Secret Story

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"