Fair Artistic JOW #709

I was able to visit The Woodlands Waterway Art Fair upon my return.  I do enjoy art, which I blame on my liberal arts education.  So I drummed up the few ‘art related’ jokes I could come up with.

On a separate note: I wrote up a trip report and attached it below  

In art fair heaven the collectors are from Dubai and the artists are from Paris

In art fair hell - just the reverse

In art fair heaven the after parties are Italian and the organizers are Swiss

In art fair hell - just the reverse

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Recently a man in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, and getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Renault van ran out of fuel. When asked how he could master-mind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: 'I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gough.

Artists can be a bit wild: they like to get plastered and paint the town red.

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A little old lady was among a group at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery.
Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. What on earth, she inquired of the artist standing nearby, is that?

He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.”

Well, then snapped the little old lady, “Why isn’t it?”

……………………………….

After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill the artist, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: ‘Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am? That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs.'

Bill answered: 'Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso.'

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Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police quickly arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel Tower.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Some artistic riddles:

Why did the artist cross the road?

To see from the other side.

What did the artist say when he finally finished his Bas carving?

What a relief!

What did the artist say to the dentist?

Matisse hurt!

What did the artist draw before he went to bed?

The curtains!

How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel.

You might be an artist if ...

--You've ever cleaned your fingernails with a palette knife.
--You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.
--You notice the burnt umber in the background of the Playboy centerfold.
--You know the difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
--Your favorite fragrance is eau d' linseed oil.
--You do judge a book by its cover.

--You were more concerned about the color of your car than the fuel consumption.

-- The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not Clairol.

-- Your family takes out a life insurance plan on you for less than $5000.

-- You know what shade of green the lichen on the trees is.

Two artistic quotes:

The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you're an artist.

--DAVID HOCKNEY (Note to Pat and Tom.  Not for the sake of ‘a’ beauty but for beauty itself.)

Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.

--AL CAPP

It’s easy to understand modern art. If it hangs on a wall, it’s a painting. If you can walk around it, it’s a sculpture.

And finally because it has been in my head:

What do you call an Irish man who stays out in the patio?

Paddy O'Furniture.