Broadway Musical JOW #722

I was challenged to come up with some jokes about Broadway musicals.  Most of them are jokes themselves.  But there is a fair amount of theater/music jokes that came to me.  I also included a link to a song that, as a wordsmith are near and dear to my heart.  I hope you enjoy these offerings.

……………………

You know the film version of Les Miserable was so disappointing to me.  I mean they had Wolverine, Cat Woman, and Gladiator all together and they… sang.

Theatrical Logic:

In is down, down is front. Out is up, up is back. Off is out, on is in. And of course, left is right and right is left. A drop shouldn't and a 'block and fall' does neither. A prop doesn't and a cove has no water. Tripping is OK. A running crew rarely gets anywhere . A purchase line buys you nothing. A trap will not catch anything. A gridiron has nothing to do with football. Strike is work (in fact, a lot of work). And a green room, thank God, usually isn't.

Now that you're fully versed in theatrical terms, break a leg.  But not really.

Once upon a time there was a young man who decided to eschew modern life and, abandoning a promising career as a Broadway singer and became a monk.  He loved the fact that each morning a bell would ring and the monks would all assemble in the dining hall at a long table and stand waiting for the abbot.  That worth would come in, stand at the head of the table and chant in a rich baritone –“Good Morning”

And the monks would chant back “Good Morning”.

Then they would sit down for breakfast.

After a hard day of prayer and study the monks would once again assemble at the sound of the bell and take their places at the long table and wait for the abbot for the evening meal. 

He would come in and chant “Good Evening”.

 And the monks would chant back to him “Good Evening.”

And then they would have their dinner.

The young monk threw himself into his studies sometimes staying up all night.  Inevitably it happened:  He became confused at so whether it was day or night.  Hearing the bell he hurried to the dining hall and barely reached his place before the abbot arrived.

As he did every morning the abbot intoned, “Good Morning.”

The young monk, confused instead of replying chanted “Good Evening”.

The abbot had a keen ear.  He cocked his head and in the same fine voice chanted out,

“Someone chanted evening.”

++++++++++++++++++++

Here are some proposed titles for Broadway shows that were rejected.

·         Jersey Boyz N The Hood

·         Guys and Blow-Up Dolls

·         Jekyll & Hydroponics

·         Bugspray Hair

·         Enormous Women

·         Little Shop of Hoarders

·         Little Shop of Hors d'Oeuvres

·         You're a Good Man, Charlie Sheen

·         Damn Yankees, Fuckin Mets

·         Beauty and the Yeast Infection.

·         Chorus Mime

·         "On A Clear Day You Can See Russia From My House"

·         The Book of Moron

·         The Book of Morbid

·         The Phantom Menace of the Opera

·         Whittler on the Roof

·         The Undergraduate S

·         White Power Christmas

·         Dream Grills

·         Elbow Grease

·         Grease Fire

·         Jersey Shore Boys

·         How to Succeed in Business without a Government Bailout

·         The Nylon King

·         Springtime for Hitler

·         Kanye West Side Story West

·         Don King & I

A couple of Broadway tune knock-knock jokes – feel free to sing along

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Stephanie!
Stephanie who?
Stephanie-six trombones led the big parade!

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet Who?
Sam and Janet Evening....

(I love that song)

What do you call ghosts who scare talk show hosts?

The Phantom of the Oprah.

And while I am on a music riff here are a couple of backward music jokes:

Q. What do you get when you play the blues backward?

A. Your wife comes back, your dog returns to life, and you get out of prison.

Q. What do you get when you play New Age music backward?

A. New Age music.

Here are a couple of jokes that are completely different

During a transatlantic flight, former president Bill Clinton is busily working on a crossword puzzle. However, he gets stuck in the middle, so he turns to a speechwriter sitting in the next seat and says, "Excuse me, but do you know a four-letter word meaning 'woman' which ends in U-N-T?"

The writer scratches his head, thinks for a minute, and replies, "Aunt. A-U-N-T."

Bill looks embarrassed, and whispers, "Got an eraser?"

STRESS REDUCTION TECHNIQUE:

Give this a try:

Sit quietly and inhale deeply and slowly through your nose. Exhale slowly. Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You breathe deeply.

You can easily make out the face of the asshole who stressed you out in the first place and whose head you're now holding under the water.

Allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.

There now ... feeling better?