Aggie JOW #730

I had the opportunity to attend a Texas A&M football game at Kyle Stadium.  It was a wonderful experience to feel the tremendous college spirit of the students and alumni.  For those who are not from Texas it should be noted that there are two BIG state schools in Texas and thus there is a feud of almost Scottish intensity between them.  The University in Texas in Austin has always looked down upon the Agricultural and Mechanical school located in the hinterlands of College Station.  Aggies for their part feel that the Longhorns are effete dilatants and possibly even ‘liberal’ – a deadly insult in the state of Texas.  The UT/A&M rivalry ranks right up there with Duke/NC, and Auburn/Alabama for duration and depth of feeling.  Just as Virginia Tech considers students from the University of Virginia to be somewhat dim, Longhorns think Aggies are charmingly dumb; which is of course not true in the case of Texas A&M.

At any rate there are many, many jokes about dumb Aggies.  I offer a few of them to you this week as my Jokes of the Week.

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An Aggie and a Longhorn are caught by a jungle tribe and sentenced to death.  They are told that they will each have one last request.  The Aggie thinks and says, "I want to hear the A&M Fight Song just one more time."  The tribe agrees and asks the Longhorn what his last request is.  

He replies with only three words, "Kill me first."

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An Aggie student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty coed. He was attempted to start up a conversation with the tired line "Where do y'all go to school?" The coed was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.
The Aggie student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DO Y'ALL GO TO SCHOOL?"

It is always standard to insult the appearance of the other team’s cheerleaders.  However, since A&M has male ‘Yell Leaders’ I am not sure these jokes apply. 

Q: Why do Aggie cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

Q: What do you get when you put 32 Aggie cheerleaders in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.

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An Aggie got a job at an east Texas saw mill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked how he lost it, he replied, "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Damn! There goes another one!"

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A lucky Aggie won the Texas Lottery. When he went to collect his money they told him he wouldn't get it in one lump sum and that it would be spread over 20 years. The indignant Aggie demanded that they give him his dollar back.

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At the end of the night, the Aggie turns to his girlfriend (a UT coed) and asked her, "Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending two hundred dollars?"
            And she says, "Because I'm a prostitute."

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·         Did you hear about the Aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus.?

He burned his lip on the tailpipe.

·         How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
            Only one, but he gets 3 hours credit.

·         Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M.
            The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

·         Why can't Aggies field an ice-hockey team?
            Everyone drowns in spring training.

·         Why can't Aggie farmers raise chickens?
            They plant the eggs too deep.

Another agricultural joke:

An Aggie decides to raise chickens. So, he goes to the feed store and buys some chicks. He takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads sticking up. He waters them, but they die. He goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that he bought defective chicks, and gets another set. This time he plants them with their heads sticking down. He waters them, but they die. He then sends a letter to his Alma Mater, describing the problem.

They send a letter back asking for a soil sample.

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A visiting professor at Texas A&M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.  To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"  About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.  "That's fantastic."
"But let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished.  He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost.  You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." 
The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost? Damn... From back there I thought you said 'goats'."

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A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room.
As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour.
"In this room, I was thinking of an off blue."
Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color.
And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"
Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"
The contractor replied, "Because I have to supervise a crew of Aggies laying sod across the street."