Soap Box JOW #728

First, I need to get up on my soapbox for a bit.  I have been watching the news on the tragedy in Ferguson, Missouri; and it is a tragedy - fueled by fear and hubris.   The response by the local police will probably become a textbook case in how not to handle a controversial police shooting. There have been associated protests around the country crying out that “our young men are being killed.”   This is true for African American men – they suffer a murder rate (as victims) six times higher than whites; and 93% of their murderers were also black.  It is puzzling that there in so much coverage and outrage when a white police officer kills a black man yet the ongoing slaughter (and that is the word) of young black men by other black men is essentially ignored by the wider media and certainly by the activists. 

Another interesting spin was the outrage caused when another white police officer posted comments about how not to be assaulted by the police.  Apparently none one remembers the hilarious video released by Chris Rock called “How not to get your ass kicked by the police.” You can watch it at the following link: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0mtxXEGE8.)

In the video, Chris has a series of skits demonstrating such helpful tips as “Obey the law’; “Be polite”; and “Stop immediately.”  In each vignette the subject is first shown having a perfectly polite encounter with the officers and then the same actor shows how ‘not to’ behave.  In each case he winds up surrounded by police who are simulating kicking his ass.  It doesn’t sound like it would be funny – but it is.

Let me step off my soapbox now and provide you with some humor for this Labor Day.

__________________

Tom sent me a photo of one of those annoying signs created (using our tax dollars) which encourage us to behave in a healthier manner.  One of the most irritating is the one urging men to stop smoking and get medical checkups and such like.  It reads:

This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness.

Spray painted below it in a masculine hand is “No we won’t”

+++++++++++++++++++++

My friend Tor may be more or less retired but he apparently still knows how to have a good time if this story he sent me is true.

………….

I recently work my Vietnam Veteran ball cap to my local Walmart.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"

"No," I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that cap?"

 "Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812."

 I thought this was a snappy retort.

 "The War of 1812, huh?" the "Walmartian" queried, "When was that?"

 God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered, as straight-faced as possible.

 He pondered my response for a moment and then asked, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"

"It was a Black Operation. No one is supposed to know about it."

 This was beginning to be way too much fun!

 "Dude! Really?" he exclaimed.

"How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy, and in a low voice said. "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were all wearing white camouflage."

The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh yeah?" he gave me that, 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack, she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw the Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.

Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped into the car and sped out of the parking lot in a flurry of dust.

What a great time I had!

Tomorrow I'm going back with my Homeland Security cap.

Then the next day I will go to the DMV so I can wear my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty out the place.

Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need the right kind of cap!

A recent survey claimed that men are happier then women. Dan passed these thoughts from a female friend on just why that is so:

·         Wedding plans take care of themselves.

·         Chocolate is just another snack.

·         You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  Heck, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.

·         Car mechanics tell you the truth.

·         The world is your urinal.

·         You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

·         Wrinkles add character.

·         Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

·         People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

·         New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

·         One mood - all the time.

·         Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

·         You know stuff about tanks.

·         A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

·         You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

·         If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

·         Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

·         Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

·         You almost never have strap problems in public.

·         You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

·         Everything on your face stays its original color.

·         The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

·         You only have to shave your face and neck.

·         You can play with toys all your life.

·         You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

·         You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

·         You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

No wonder men are happier.

And to wrap up this week’s offerings a few pseudo intellectual-style jokes.

There is a band called 1023MB.  They haven’t had any gigs yet.

It is not easy being a self-made man unless you have and Oedipus complex and a time machine.

Did you hear about the man who was cooled to absolute zero?  He is 0 K now.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?  A: To get to the same side.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?  A: The goldfish.