I had the opportunity to do some dove hunting last
weekend. I do enjoy hunting those sneaky
little birds that seem to manifest out of the clear air and then come sweeping
around in high speed arcs. So my jokes
this week focus on hunting.
I will probably not be providing you with jokes next week
as my friend David and I are going backpacking in the Colorado Rockies.
First, here is a riddle for you - Two fathers and two
sons went dove hunting. Each shot a dove but they shot only three doves in all.
How? The answer is at the end of the
jokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tom and Charlie
were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Tom complained, 'We've been hunting all
day. We've shot at ten dove and not hit one!'
'OK, ‘Charlie replied, ‘Let's miss two more and then head
back to camp'.
-------------------------
What's the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
***********************
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to
retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would
ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the
eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely,
would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they
waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The
dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but
instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than
his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog
walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched
carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the
hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new
dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He
can't swim."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
·
What do you get if you cross a telephone with a
hunting dog? A golden receiver!
·
What is the best way to hunt bear? With your
clothes off.
Sales rep and a project engineer went bear hunting.
“You stay here,” the sales rep said “and I will get you a
bear to skin.”
The project engineer stayed in the cabin sharpening his
skinning knife and waiting by the big table inside.
Soon enough he heard and enormous roaring; the sales rep
flung the door open and dashed inside with a bear in hot pursuit. The sales guy rounded the table and flew out
the door, slamming it closed on the pursuing bear while calling out to the
engineer;
"You skin this one while I go and get another!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big
game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a
sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the
jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the
branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and
the dogs will bite their crotch and immobilize them so that you can pick them
up quite safely and put them in the sack."
"But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assistant.
"If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot
the dog."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The church service coincided with the last day of hunting
season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled,
the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were
unable to make our service because of hunting season. I had the whole
congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all
safe."
………………………
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs.
That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck.
"Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had
returned alone. "He's about two miles back. He tripped and broke his
ankle. I left him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."
+++++++++++++++++
The big game hunter was showing his friends his hunting
trophies. Drawing their attention to a lion skin rug on the floor he said,
"I shot this fellow in Africa. Didn't want to kill such a magnificent
beast, of course, but it was either him or me."
"Well," said a guest, "he certainly makes
a much better rug than you would!"
==============================
Craig and James went hunting. Craig saw a dove fly by. He
raised his shotgun to shoot.
'Don't waste your time,' James hollered. ‘Your shotgun is
not loaded.'
'I can't wait,' Craig shouted back. 'The bird will be
gone if I take the time to load!'
Answer to the riddle - The hunters were a man, his
son and his grandson.
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