Dad's JOW #743

What with son Ivan getting engaged my thoughts turned to engagement things.  My daughter is marrying a man with a name that is not a problem.  Imagine the headline if she had fallen from a man with the good German name Pinscher.  The wedding announce would be:

Pinney – Pinscher

Instead Mr. John Pinscher popped the question to Miss Joyce Fanny leading to the headline:

                Fanny – Pincher

A brief investigation led to these actual nuptial announcements:

Traylor – Hooker

Wang – Holder

Golden – Showers

Jaeger –Meister

Gowen – Geter

Looney – Warde

Hardy – Harr

Bush – Baybee

Wendt –Adaway

Gross – Pantii

And my favorite: McDonald – Berger

Which led me to ‘dad jokes’: those jokes that dads fine hilarious much to the chagrin of their kids.  When you are a dad it is your OBLIGATION to tell corny jokes to embarrass you children.

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote.  I thought ‘this changes everything.’

I used to hate facial hair.  But then it grew on me.

“Dad, I’m hungry.”

“Hello Hungry, I’m Dad.”

“Are you alright, Dad?”

“No, I am half left.”

Prisoners are now taking their own mug shots.  They call them cellfies. 

“Can you make me a sandwich?”

“Abracadabra!  You’re a sandwich.”

“Do you feel like an ice cream?”

“Sure.”

“Well, you don’t look like an ice cream.”

“I fell off a 20 foot ladder today.”

“Are you okay?”

“Sure.  I was on the bottom rung.”

My dad today was saying "duck you, duck this".

I asked him why are you saying duck?

He said he didn't want to curse, but he still wanted to use fowl language.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

What do you call cheese by itself? Provolone.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Whiteboards ... are remarkable.

If you do not like elevators take steps to avoid them.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!  (Sound it out.)

"Hey, Dad, what’s this movie about?" It's about two hours.

“What is the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?”

“I don’t know.”

“You can tune a piano but you can’t piano a tuna.”

“What about the glue?”

“I knew you would get stuck there.”

“Have you heard about the movie Constipation?”

“No.”

“That is because it hasn’t come out yet.”

Of course all dads have ‘dad jokes’ but my friend Andy is a physicist and so his dad jokes are a bit different.

“Hey Dad, what’s up?”

“Up is a directional vector with no force.”

“Dad, it is cold in here”

“So, go stand in a corner”

“How will that help?”

A corner is 90 degrees.

He renamed the printer bob Marley because it was always jammin’.