World Peace JOW #756

My jokes this week have a general theme of World Peace.  With all the turmoil in the world it is easy to forget that – believe it or not – this is the most peaceful world has been for many years.  Every day Europe sets a new record for the longest stretch of peace between European nation states since the rise of those states well over four hundred years ago.

We know about more conflicts now because we are much more globally connected.  And things are more complicated.  Foreign events, especially in the Middle East, are getting more and more convoluted.  We support the Iraqi government in the fight against the Islamic State. We don’t like IS but IS is supported by some people in Saudi Arabia, and we do like Saudi Arabia. We don’t like President Assad. We support the fight against him but not IS which is also fighting against him.  We don’t like Iran but Iran supports the Iraqi government against IS.

So, some of our friends support our enemies and some of our enemies are our friends and some of our enemies are fighting against our other enemies whom we want to lose but we don’t want our enemies who are fighting our enemies to win.

If the people we want to defeat are defeated, they might be replaced by people we like even less. And all this was started by us invading a country to drive out terrorists who weren’t actually there until we went in to drive them out.

I think we should employ Romanausky’s Dictum:  “Kill ‘em all.”

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If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.

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Sign on the church bulletin board: “The peace making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.”

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Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.

What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

-          On a bumper sticker : Imagine Whirled Peas

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A man was beaten up by robbers on a road. He lay there, half dead and in bad shape. A minister came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. Next, a physician came by but also walked quickly on the other side. Finally, a social worker came along, looked at the man and said "Whoever did this needs help!"

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As everyone was leaving the church, the Pastor noticed a young boy in the hallway, looking at a number of pictures on the wall. He said, "Well, hello, young man, how are you today?" 

The boy said, "Oh, fine." 

The pastor said, "I see you are looking at the pictures on the wall, do you know who the men in those pictures are?"

The boy said "No, who are they?"

The pastor said proudly "Well, son, those are pictures of the men in our congregation that gave their life in the service".

The boy replied, “The 9 o'clock or the 11 o'clock service?

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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what will it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook, is a good provider and helps with the housecleaning. One  who also gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a great mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that stinking map lady!"

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The story is told of the Atheist who accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?" The preacher has no time to reply.

"Well its a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no great judgement, and no God!"

The Atheist continues his assault against the preacher repetitiously and tirelessly. "Eternal life! Eternal life! Ha! "Its all pie in the sky when you die." When I die that's it, the end, no eternal life, no nothing. He continues, until he reaches his climax, "I will be buried six feet under when I die and that's it! Nothing! Caput! When I die I am utterly convinced that that will be the end of me!"

 "Well thank God for that" replies the preacher

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And this press release is just in:

TEHRAN - Stating that “their continuing hostilities are a threat to world peace,” Iran has offered to mediate talks between congressional Republicans and President Obama.

Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ali Khamenei, made the offer one day after Iran received what he called a “worrisome letter” from Republican leaders, which suggested to him that “the relationship between Republicans and Obama has deteriorated dangerously.”

“Tensions between these two historic enemies have been high in recent years, but we believe they are now at a boiling point,” Khamenei said. “As a result, Iran feels it must offer itself as a peacemaker.”

He said that his nation was the “logical choice” to jumpstart negotiations between Obama and the Republicans because “it has become clear that both sides currently talk more to Iran than to each other.”

He invited Obama and the Republicans to meet in Tehran to hash out their differences and called on world powers to force the two bitter foes to the bargaining table, adding, “It is time to stop the madness.”

Hours after Iran made its offer, President Obama said that he was willing to meet with his congressional adversaries under the auspices of Tehran, but questioned whether “any deal reached with Republicans is worth the paper it’s written on.”

For their part, the Republicans said they would only agree to talks if there were no preconditions, such as recognizing President Obama’s right to exist.