Pet Peeve JOW #769

My JOW’s these weeks focus on Pet Peeves.  We all got ‘em and I would love to hear from my fellow JOW’ers about things that get under your skin.  I remember when I was in elementary school and our teacher asked us to write about our pet peeves.  Not knowing what that was, I wrote this story of my finding a peeve and how I tamed it.  I must have had some idea of what a pet peeve was because in my story it was very mischievous and kept doing things that got me into trouble.

Anyway, here are some things that are considered pet peeves; things that have no reason to annoy me as much as they do.  There is also a real joke in here as well as some great Country Western Song Titles.  

Personal Pet Peeves:

·         Weird celebrity kids names

Personally, I dislike creativity in naming or name spelling. There is a limit to what you should slap on a kid to bear for life. Like Fifi, Trixibelle, or Kyd. Those are just too much, although I guess "hey, Kyd" might be sort of convenient.

·         Clichés

What bugs me most about clichés is that they are a cop out. People spout sayings like "God doesn't give you what you can't handle", or, "this too shall pass" without giving a thought to exactly what you're going through.  People who use clichés maybe don't know what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing. I would much prefer people to say something like: "Well, crap. That stinks. I'm so sorry your life sucks."

·         Unnecessarily Shortened Words

While there's nothing wrong with progress, there's absolutely everything wrong with the perversion of the English Language. Yeah, Shakespeare made up words all the time, so let's see you write some of the most important literary works of all time and THEN you can start saying "totes", (which is a kind of bag).

·         Wobbly Tables

A table's primary function is to provide a stable surface for objects, so when they fail in that one expectancy, it kind of sucks, especially when the solution is something as simple as matchbook can solve the problem.

·         When somebody says ‘literally’ and do not literally mean it

Here's a quick lesson for you: literally means literally. If the number of people in the world who'd said they were "literally scared out of my mind" or "literally dead" were being accurate then we'd have a whole lot more to worry about than an inaccurate vocabulary.

·         People who talk on a cell phone while at a store counter

Nothing says "you're not worth my time" like taking a service from a person while also completely ignoring you. Now that I think about it holding a private conversation on a cell phone in line is pretty peeving, too.

·         Forms without enough space for answers

Form makers: It's probably a good idea to be very liberal in your allocation of writing space, because you never know when someone who grew up at 28846 Iroquois Avenue in Jacksonville, North Carolina really needs some room to fill in that address.

·         Hipsters

The word "hipster" has been broadened so much it's hard to tell what it really means anymore. It could be people who wear straw trilbies, or people who drink PBR, or people who like Garden State. All we can know for sure is that hipsters invariably annoy other people.

·         People who wait in line to order food, then don’t know what they want when they're up to order

Waiting in line affords one time to spend however you want. You can delete your sent texts, you can daydream about running a hotel for dogs like in that movie Hotel For Dogs, hell you can hum. The one obligation is that you use at least some of your time to figure out what the hell you're going to order before you get to the front.

·         Crying children in airplanes AND extra fees the airlines keep charging.

It goes without explanation that a crying kid is upsetting, especially when you cannot get away from it.  I feel sorry for the mom, usually, but cannot help but wonder, was this trip with your baby REALLY necessary?  And airlines already charge you for everything else, what next, a fee for not sitting next to a crying baby?

Top 10 Dog Pet Peeves about humans

1. Blaming your gas on me ... Not Funny.

2. Yelling at me for barking. I am a dog, you idiot.

3. Taking me for a walk and then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick balancing food on my nose. Stop it.

5. Yelling at me for rubbing myself on your carpet. Why did you buy carpet?

6. Getting upset when I sniff your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.

7. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are

not home.

8. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

9. Dog sweaters.

10. Fake fetch throws. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

Here is a joke that just popped into my mind.

One cold afternoon in the Arctic, a father and son polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar

bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I really a polar bear?"

The father polar bear replied, "Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m freezing!!

Libby claims these are the best country songs you never heard, but I have heard a few of them.

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.

24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.

23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.

21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.

20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.

19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.

13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).

10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.

8. Please Bypass This Heart.

7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.

5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

 2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few… or as Kenny

Chesney put it “I went to bed with a 10 but I woke up with a 2.”

I am not sure how “Thank God and Greyhound she’s gone” did not make the list not me mention my

own favorite C&W titled song “She tore our my heart and smashed that sucker flat.”