‘Egghead’ jokes about people who are too smart for the
real world are very old. I know a couple
attributed to the Greeks that are at least 2500 years
old. The TV show Big Bang Theory is a series of skits
roughly based on this theme of the absentminded
professor. Here are a few bits along the lines.
Albert Einstein Stories - Note: some of these are
probably apocryphal, but he was said to be sweetly absentminded.
(1) One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's
driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked
that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times.
So
Einstein told the driver that at the next stop on the
tour to switch places, with Einstein sitting at the back in the driver's
uniform. Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult
question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question
is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up
at the back there, could answer it!"
(2) Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress
more professionally when he headed off to work.
"Why should I?" he would invariably argue.
"Everyone knows me there." When the time came for
Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged
him to dress up a bit. "Why should I?" said
Einstein. "No one knows me there!"
(3) Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the
general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute,
and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl
for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"
(4) When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton
university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The
driver of the cab did not recognize him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein's
home.
The driver said "Who does not know Einstein's
address? Everyone in Princeton knows. Do you want to meet him?
Einstein replied "I am Einstein. I forgot my home
address, can you take me there? "The driver reached him to his home and
did not even collect his fare from him.
(5) Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train
when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every
passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket.
He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser
pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. The conductor
said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you
bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.' Einstein nodded appreciatively. The
conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to
the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands
and knees looking under his seat for his ticket. The conductor rushed back and
said,
'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you
are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.' Einstein
looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is
where I'm going.'
##################
An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his
problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He
opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and
instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an
appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled
by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets
later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice
flowers, honey.
Where'd you get them?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Once an old British professor was on a travelling by
train. As fate should have, he was in
the last compartment. Now the problem
was, whenever the train stopped at a station his compartment would
never be on the platform. It was a local train and anytime
the poor guy wanted to get something to eat
or drink he had to struggle to get over to the platform.
By the time he reached his destination, he was
really irritated. He went straight to the station
master`s office to lodge a complaint.
This is what he wrote.
"Please see to it that there is no last compartment
in any train. If you still insist on having a last
compartment, please put it somewhere in the middle".
------------------------
The absent-minded professor just came back home from a business
trip, looking tired. His wife asked him: "Dear, you look awful, how was
your trip?"
"Very bad. I got a rear-facing seat on the train,
which made me very uncomfortable."
"Why didn't you ask the man opposite for a switch?"
"I wish I could have. But nobody was seating on that
seat."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front
of the little English pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a
string and a cork on the end was jiggling it up and down.
A Mike, a visiting American, asked what he was doing.
"Fishing," replied the old man.
‘Poor old chap’ thought Mike, so he invited the old man
to have a drink with him in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were
sipping their whisky, Mike asked the old fellow, "So how many have you
caught today?"
"You're the eighth."
+++++++++++++++++++
Just as the old professor was about to fall asleep, his
wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."
At least two nights a week for the last thirty years the
old professor had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any
rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.
When the old professor entered the den he was surprised
to see a thief
As the thief turned to leave the old professor said,
"You have to go and meet my wife, Maude."
The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your
wife?"
The old professor replied, "Well, she's been
expecting you from 30 years."
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