Frogger JOW #799

I do appreciate all the help I can get. Debbie sent me her favorite frog job in response to one I included last week.  Ha!  I love frog jokes.  That made for an easy set of joke this week – and here they are.  Remember, I said easy, not necessarily good.

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one month."
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"
Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"
The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."

  The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

  "No," said the psychic, "Next term-in her biology class."

Which reminds me of a quote from E.B. White

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog.  Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”

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Q. How many frogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One frog and 37 light bulbs - slippery fingers, ya know!

·         Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!

·         What do you call a woman with a frog on her head? Lilly.

·         What’s a frog’s favorite game? It's croak-et!

·         What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

·         What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

·         What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a frog? An outfielder who catches flies and then eats them.

·         What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig? A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a frog sitting next to him. "Are you a frog?" asked the man, surprised.

 "Yes."

“What are you doing at the movies?"

The frog replied, "Well, I liked the book."

………………………

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a frog walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the frog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

 "Not really," said the frog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

**************

One day the Library was lonely with no one in it for the librarian to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching "bouk bouk." The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching "bouk bouk." The librarian once again jumps up and gives each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then again for the third time the chicken return screeching "bouk bouk" But this rime being suspicious the librarian gives each chicken only one book because they have still have not returned the other books. As the chickens leave the librarian slowly follows behind to see where all the books are going. The chickens come to a stop and start throwing the books into a pond where some frogs grab the books and throw them behind their back croaking "red-it red-it"

++++++++++++++++
A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.

The bartender says, "What's that all about?"

The frog replies, "I dunno. Just last week is was just a wart on my ass."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

A rabbit is walking across a field when he suddenly bumps into a frog. The frog goes head over heels backwards though the grass.

  "I'm sorry," says the rabbit, "I didn't see you coming, because I have a problem - I've been blind since birth"

  The frog replies, "Don't worry about it; It wasn't entirely your fault because I didn't see you coming - I'm blind too".

  The frog then says - to the rabbit, "What are you?"

  The rabbit replies, "Being blind - since birth, I'm not really sure what I am - I've never seen anything to compare myself to."

  The rabbit says to the frog, "What are you?"

  The frog replies, "Likewise - I've not seen anything to compare myself to either."

  The frog then says, "I know - we'll feel each other and then we will be able to tell what we are - I'll go first."

  The frog runs his hands over the rabbit and says, "You've got a nice soft fur coat, long pointed ears, buck teeth & your breath smells of carrots - you must be a rabbit!"

  The rabbit runs his hands over the frog and says, "You're cold and slimy with a big mouth - you must be a politician!"

And finally, one of the staples of frog humor:

This frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He steps up to the counter and asks for an application from the clerk, Patty Wack.
"Hi, I'd like to fill out an application for a loan", said the frog.

Patty Wack replied, "Do you have any collateral for this loan; something to stand against your loan?"

The frog replied, "All I have is this statue of a unicorn."

"Well, I don't know," said Patty Wack, "I'll have to ask the manager about this."

Patty Wack goes to see the bank manager.  “What is this thing, sir?  Can we use is as collateral?”

The bank manager looks at the statue and replies: "It’s a Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan."