No fooling JOW #807

Due to travel commitments I am very late getting in my JOW this week.  However, it did allow me to reference April Fool’s jokes along with some other humorous bits.

The English seem to enjoy April Fool pranks the most.  For example the two bits below appeared in London newspapers. 

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In a bid to "decolonize and demisogynize" UK's higher education, British paper The Times announced, students in the UK have called for Imperial College and King's College universities to be renamed respectively Gaia College and Citizen's College.

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Bathstore has launched a new app to "drown out unwanted bathroom noises:" The new "Silent Loo app" let you "choose from Tap, Shower, Costa Rican River or Tsunami and protect both modesty and the planet with one simple to use solution."

Several advertisers had some fun with April Fool Ads:

·         Virgin Australia‘s “Kids Class” — “the first kids-only aircraft cabin” in which the aisles are giant hopscotch boards and a “customized teddy service” offers young fliers their choice of stuffed animals to cuddle with.

·         Your toddler keeps falling over? Then you need the revolutionary BMW baby shoes, which offer "total stability in all conditions."

·         Try Bacon Flavored Scope – for breath that sizzles.  {Actually that sounds kinda good}

·         Google has a new self-driving bicycles being tested in the Netherlands.

·         The toaster made by electronics brand Razer — “The world’s first kitchen appliance for gamers: Bread to win.”

·         Umbrellas for dogs by ŠKODA UK: “During development, we captured large quantities of British rain and brought it back to our workshop in the Czech Republic before signing the design off,”

·         Fall-proof kids with BMW shoes - Your toddler keeps falling over? Then you need the revolutionary BMW baby shoes, which offer "total stability in all conditions."

Here are some actual jokes:

A blonde entered a swimming contest for the breast stroke, confident she would win.  She finished last.

“It wasn’t fair,” she explained, “the other girls were using their arms.”

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“In school I entered a spelling bee and spelt “embarrassed” wrong. I became instantly embarrassed. I wish I had spelt wealthy wrong. For obvious reasons, I’m glad I didn’t get the word “diarrhea.”

>>>>>>>>> 

I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.

^^^^^^^^^
I was having dinner with a chess master and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

………………

Went to the corner shop – I bought 4 corners.

A couple of lawyers were chatting when one glanced at a classic old Rolex.

“Nice watch,” John said.

“Yeah,” said Pat, “I got it from my grandfather when he was on his death bed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  He sold it to me.  I wrote him a check.”

And finally

A man, wearied of the company of his fellow humans decided to become a hermit.  He took himself off to the wilds of Alaska, determined to live in solitude.  But after a few months he began to long for companionship.  Suddenly one evening there was a knock on the door of his solitary cabin.  The hermit opened the door to find a large bearded man there.

“Howdy,” the big stranger said.  “My name is Clay.  I live in a cabin about six miles up the creek.  I wanted to invite you to a party tomorrow night.”

“Sure,” said the hermit, suddenly glad for the company.

“Now I got to warn you, there’s gonna be a lot of drinking of hard liquor.”

“Great, I would like to have a cold one or two,” said the hermit excitedly.

“And as the evening goes on there will probably be some fighting and scrapping.”

“Well, I get along with people pretty well, so I don’t see any problem.”

“And there will some wild sex for the night is over.”

“Fine with me,” replies the hermit with a wink.  “What should I wear?”

“Don’t matter,” the big hairy man responded, “It’s just gonna be you and me.”