We have had flooding in our area – there was over a foot
of rain dropped over two days. There was
not flooding in our neighborhood, which was planned and built with an eye
toward drainage, but in areas outside The Woodlands which were planned and
built with an eye toward maximizing the builder’s profits. Sure, the homes and businesses were built in
areas which required a ‘100 Year flood’.
What they did not tell the buyers was that those 100 were in Dog Years. Lately it seems we have been having annual 100 Year
flood. The problem is actually well
understood. If you build on land that once soaked up extra water, when heavy rains come that water will have to go somewhere;
usually into some poor individual’s home or business.
Flooding is a sad sort of catastrophe, especially the
kind we had here last week. Flash floods
are violent and understandable – it rains a lot and the water comes rushing by,
overflowing the ditches and spilling into buildings. This flooding is the result of rain which
fell many miles away. As the water comes
down to creeks, rivers, and lakes which are already full from local rain it has
nowhere to go but out. The skies were
clear and yet the water came softly, inexorably up; over lawns and into homes. There is nothing sadder than a flooded
house. At least tornadoes and fires leave
dramatic destruction. But a home that
has been flooded looks almost normal from the outside. It is only when you go inside do you realize
that everything has to be ripped out and replaced.
But enough about this sad local man-made ‘natural
disaster’. I am supposed to be sending
jokes. Here are a few about scientists to
lighten the mood.
But first, from Keith:
A rather awkward freshman
finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a
child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Some background on
Engineers, Scientists, and Mathematicians:
Engineers think that
equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A physicist, a chemist,
and a statistician were sitting together in a room at the university when
suddenly a fire erupts in a wastepaper basket.
The physicist says, “I got
this. All we have to do is lower the temperature
of the material until it is below the ignition temperature.”
The chemist goes, “No, I
have a better idea. Let’s take away the
fire’s oxygen supply so it doesn’t have its reactants.”
The statistician starts
lighting more things on fire. The other
men start yelling at him. “What are you
doing?”
“I am just trying to get
an adequate sample size.”
And on a related note:
A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all
locked in separate burning buildings.
The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The mathematician runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.
The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The mathematician runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.
For this one think of
the characters in Big Bang Theory.
A Mathematician and
an Engineer attend a lecture by a Physicist. The topic concerns Kulza-Klein
theories involving physical processes that occur in spaces with dimensions of
9, 12 and even higher. The Mathematician is sitting, clearly enjoying the
lecture, while the Engineer is frowning and looking generally confused and
puzzled. By the end the Engineer has a terrible headache. As they are leaving,
the Mathematician comments about the wonderful lecture.
The Engineer says,
"How do you understand this stuff?"
Mathematician:
"I just visualize the process."
Engineer: "How
can you POSSIBLY visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?"
Mathematician:
"Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to
9."
===========================
An advanced society figured
how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing
some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are
available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English
literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and knows about
English literature!
"What else do
you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have
pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the
pharmacist.
The student asks for
these, and swallows them and knows about those subjects.
Then the student asks,
"Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says,
"Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings
back a whopper of a pill and plunks it down on the counter.
"I have to take
that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist
replied, "Well, you know math always is a little hard to swallow."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
When considering the behavior
of a howitzer:
A mathematician will
be able to calculate where the shell will land.
A physicist will be
able to explain how the shell gets there.
An engineer will
stand there and try to catch it.
And on an unrelated
note
The cranky old blacksmith
decided to take on an apprentice. He
grew increasingly unhappy with the men who applied for the position dismissing
one after another as they could not meet his standards.
Finally a rather simple
fellow applied to be his apprentice.
“If you work for me do not
ask me any questions. Just do whatever I
tell you to do.”
The boy nodded his
understanding.
The old blacksmith took
the hot iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. “Now, boy, get that big hammer over
there. When I nod my head hit it real
hard.”
The town is now looking
for a new blacksmith.
