Mathematics, Engineering, and Scientist JOW #817

            We have had flooding in our area – there was over a foot of rain dropped over two days.  There was not flooding in our neighborhood, which was planned and built with an eye toward drainage, but in areas outside The Woodlands which were planned and built with an eye toward maximizing the builder’s profits.  Sure, the homes and businesses were built in areas which required a ‘100 Year flood’.  What they did not tell the buyers was that those 100 were in Dog Years.  Lately it seems we have been having annual 100 Year flood.  The problem is actually well understood.  If you build on land that once soaked up extra water, when heavy rains come that water will have to go somewhere; usually into some poor individual’s home or business. 

            Flooding is a sad sort of catastrophe, especially the kind we had here last week.  Flash floods are violent and understandable – it rains a lot and the water comes rushing by, overflowing the ditches and spilling into buildings.  This flooding is the result of rain which fell many miles away.  As the water comes down to creeks, rivers, and lakes which are already full from local rain it has nowhere to go but out.  The skies were clear and yet the water came softly, inexorably up; over lawns and into homes.  There is nothing sadder than a flooded house.  At least tornadoes and fires leave dramatic destruction.  But a home that has been flooded looks almost normal from the outside.  It is only when you go inside do you realize that everything has to be ripped out and replaced.

            But enough about this sad local man-made ‘natural disaster’.  I am supposed to be sending jokes.  Here are a few about scientists to lighten the mood.

But first, from Keith:

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

Some background on Engineers, Scientists, and Mathematicians:

Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician were sitting together in a room at the university when suddenly a fire erupts in a wastepaper basket.

The physicist says, “I got this.  All we have to do is lower the temperature of the material until it is below the ignition temperature.”

The chemist goes, “No, I have a better idea.  Let’s take away the fire’s oxygen supply so it doesn’t have its reactants.”

The statistician starts lighting more things on fire.  The other men start yelling at him.  “What are you doing?”

“I am just trying to get an adequate sample size.”

And on a related note:

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings.
The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The mathematician runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.

---

For this one think of the characters in Big Bang Theory.

A Mathematician and an Engineer attend a lecture by a Physicist. The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The Mathematician is sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the Engineer is frowning and looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end the Engineer has a terrible headache. As they are leaving, the Mathematician comments about the wonderful lecture.

The Engineer says, "How do you understand this stuff?"

Mathematician: "I just visualize the process."

Engineer: "How can you POSSIBLY visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?"

Mathematician: "Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9."

===========================

An advanced society figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and knows about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and knows about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it down on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always is a little hard to swallow."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

When considering the behavior of a howitzer:

A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land.

A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there.

An engineer will stand there and try to catch it.

And on an unrelated note

The cranky old blacksmith decided to take on an apprentice.  He grew increasingly unhappy with the men who applied for the position dismissing one after another as they could not meet his standards. 

Finally a rather simple fellow applied to be his apprentice.

“If you work for me do not ask me any questions.  Just do whatever I tell you to do.”

The boy nodded his understanding.

The old blacksmith took the hot iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil.  “Now, boy, get that big hammer over there.  When I nod my head hit it real hard.”

The town is now looking for a new blacksmith.