Sedona JOW #814

Ruth and I are back from a wonderful vacation out to Arizona where we stayed for a few days in Sedona follow by a visit with some friends from my college days at their lovely home in Phoenix.  I started to write up some phrases about how lovely Sedona is when I came upon an essay from Laurie Gough which captured the feel of the place.  Here is a portion:

Sedona, despite it being New Age Disneyland, is stunning. New businesses in this rapidly growing town of 15,000 must have red clay roofs and adhere to adobe architecture in muted shades of browns, greens and taupes. Even the gas stations are adobe. The adobe McDonalds in Sedona advertises, "The Only Teal Green Arches in the World" and they don't look bad. When the sun sets in a place like Sedona, a place surrounded by red rock mountains, it's an event of dazzling proportions that people anticipate for hours. The last rays of the day ignite the towering rocks like golden castles until finally they burn up in a glowing cayenne blaze. When it's over, the mountains darken to violet shadows as if the sun were never there at all. The sky fills with rosy clouds, the air turns cold and the people turn to go home.

The sunrises there aren’t bad either.  Here are some jokes for this week.

You know you're in Arizona when ...

*You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
*You can make instant sun tea.
*You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
*You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
*Hot water comes out of both taps.
*You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
*Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and fry?"

Three quotes rom Keith

"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." --Sam Levenson

"To make a long story short, there's nothing like having a boss walk in." --Doris Lilly

“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.” --Garrison Keiller

Tom thoughtfully provided me with fodder for this week:

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ:
 "We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you."

At an Optometrist's Office:
 "If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.


On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room
Be back in 5 minutes.     Sit...  Stay...

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck

We're  # 1  in #  2.

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises.

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Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages the US has ever known.  Some of his sayings: 

1 Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow pat on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Seeing old friends made me think deep thoughts about growing older:

~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

And finally a church joke

There was a feud between the Pastor and the Choir Director of The Hicksville Southern Baptist Church.
It seems the first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on "dedicating yourselves to service" and the Choir Director chose to sing: "I Shall Not Be Moved."
Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incident behind him.
The next Sunday he preached on "giving." Afterwards, the choir squirmed as the Director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All."
By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his sermon on "the sin of gossiping."
Would you believe the Choir Director selected: "I Love To Tell The Story."
There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them in: "Why Not Tonight."
Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later; explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away.
The Choir Director could not resist: "What A Friend We Have In Jesus."