Another Old JOW #843

I enjoyed watching the Army/Navy football game this year but not as much as in the previous fourteen consecutive years: Army finally won.  As has been pointed out before that is the only game where everyone playing is willing to die for everyone watching.

Bills wisdom on aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old." 

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.  

^^^^^^^^^^

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.  

>>>>>>>>>> 

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper...
it's worse when you forget to pull it down. 

<<<<<<<<<< 

Old cowboy mantra: “At dawn we ride.  At noon we nap.”

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Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around- Walmart when they collide. 
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." 
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little worried."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, “Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.  Besides, as soon as we find your wife my wife will find me." 

In praise of wine.

Wine improves with age.  The older I get, the better I like it.

A meal without wine is called breakfast.

I have learned the secret to enjoying good wine.  Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.  If it does not start breathing on its own, employ mouth to mouth.

If I ever go missing put my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton. 

+++++++++++

I keep explaining to the server that it is Happy Hour with the appetizer menu, not the Early Bird Special with drinks.

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The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

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It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

From Dick

A police officer called the station on his radio.

“I have an interesting case here.  A little old lady is threatening to shoot her husband with this big old double barreled shotgun if he steps on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her yet?”

“Not yet. The floor is still wet.”

……………………..

Silence is golden.  Unless you have kids.  Then silence is suspicious.

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An old dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep dodo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Dog exclaims loudly,

  "Boy, that was one delicious panther!  I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack him and he slinks away into the trees.

  "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old dog sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog  says...   "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"