Just a Super JOW #851

 Like many, many people I watched the Super Bowl.  It was a great game as long as you were not rooting for the Falcons.  Congratulations to the Atlanta Falcons on coming in second place.

Super Bowl Sunday.  The only time of the year when men will spend three hours not touching the remote.  I knew the Falcon’s huge lead was in jeopardy when I saw Hillary’s old campaign team advising the Falcon’s coach.  But it was, as they say, certainly exciting. 

Some Super Bowl-themed jokes:

What's the difference between the Atlanta Falcons and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

How many Falcons does it take to win a Super Bowl?

We don't know, and we may never find out.

Snow White was returning from town to the cottage in the forest where she lived with the 7 dwarfs.  In the distance she could see smoke, then as she got nearer she realized that their cottage had burnt down. 

Frantically, Snow White searched the forest for the dwarfs, then she heard a lone voice saying, “Let’s go into a prevent defense; that will stop the Patriots.”

Snow White breathed a sigh of relief.  ‘Well at least Dopey is still alive.’

Dad, how do you win a Super Bowl without cheating? I don't know son, we are Patriots fans.

A man told an NBC reporter he had paid $21,000 for Super Bowl tickets but said “Don’t tell my wife.” It’s a good thing no one watches NBC.

Go figure. All of these people paying thousands of dollars for Super Bowl tickets. And they don’t even get to see the commercials.

Super Bowl concessions prices: $12-15 for beer, and $15-25 wine. And people from New York are going “why so cheap?”

Federal authorities say they have seized over $21 million in fake Super Bowl merchandise. What was their first clue? Did some of the gear say “Dallas Cowboys” on it?

Aaron Hernandez, formerly a Patriots star until his conviction in 2013 for murder, was not able to watch the Super Bowl in prison. “I feel so sorry for him,” said nobody.

Some football quotes:

·         I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. - President Gerald Ford

·         I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peel 'em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep. - DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique

·         I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. - Saints RB, George Rogers

·         I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat. - Art Donovan  

·         The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

·         Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. - Doug Plank, former-Chicago Bears

·         Rapport? You mean like, 'You run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can?' - QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice

·         We're as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody. - Nate Newton

·         I always enjoy animal acts. - President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears

Now rumors that the Oakland Raiders are looking into a move to…. Las Vegas. Not that the NFL would allow it as of course the league wants nothing to do with gambling…

Enough with the football stuff.  Here are a few more bits of humor.

McDonald’s is now giving away books in their Happy Meals. And millions of American children looked up from their phones and said “What are ‘books’?”

Got to love New Orleans priorities. A major 6 alarm fire in an empty building near the French Quarter has thankfully so far not resulted in any injuries. And the local headline: “Canal Street fire could affect Mardi Gras parade route

John sent me these illuminating descriptions from a female marketer a while back.

People often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."  That's Direct Marketing.  ____________________ * You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.  One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed."  That's Advertising. _____________________ * You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and after some chit chat you say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."  That's Telemarketing. ______________________________ * You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."  That's Public Relations. ______________________________ * You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."  That's Brand Recognition. ______________________________ *You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.  That's a Sales Rep. ~~~~~~~~~~~ And finally, The sign painter could not fit ‘Dr. Young, Psychotherapist’ on the door to the good doctor’s door.  So he split it up. It now reads Dr. Young Psycho Therapist