Revenge of the Millennials #854

I have made a lot of fun of Millennials accusing them of being shallow, spoiled, and cellphone/social media addicted.  Then I realize that it was my generation that raised them. I ran across some jokes not about from from people in that generation.  Some of these observations were funny, at least to me. 

• If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.
• Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
• The world isn't getting dumber. It's just easier for dumb people to get their thoughts heard.The world isn't getting dumber. It's just easier for dumb people to get their thoughts heard.
• You think you're unique until you have to choose a username.
• We live in an age where your last words may be an emoticon.
• I'm flabbergasted at how our education system managed to find a way to turn something as fascinating as history into a boring slog.
• We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
• When you're a kid, staying up late makes you feel like an adult. When you're an adult, staying up late makes you feel like a kid.
• One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.
• I almost forgot to update my status that I'd been to the gym.
• What a waste of a workout that would have been!
• I think that Batman only fights crime at night because otherwise he would have weird and obvious tan lines.
• People say I'm childish - so what, at the end of the day my dad can still beat up their dad.
• Ladies, probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!” (Actually that is true for men, too.)
• Millennials even have tips for the elderly: MOBILITY SCOOTER DRIVERS. Attach a string of bananas behind your little electric vehicle for that exciting Mario Kart look.

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My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I 
use it as both. When not in use, it 
is prominently displayed in a 
decorative ceramic utensil caddy 
in my kitchen. The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at 
a rummage sale. It’s a pooper-scooper.

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A handy household tip: Keep potatoes wrapped in tin-foil and kept in a cupboard, that way they become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Recording on an Australian tax help line":

If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.

Finally, here are some more jokes from the late, unlamented USSR.

A worker standing in a liquor line says, “I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.” Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, “Did you get him?” “No,” he replied. “The line there was even longer than the line here.”

A sentence from a schoolboy’s weekly composition class essay: “My cat just had seven kittens. They are all communists.” Sentence from the same boy’s composition the following week: “My cat’s seven kittens are all capitalists.”

Teacher reminds the boy that the previous week he had said the kittens were communists.

“But now they’ve opened their eyes,” replies the child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chukchi (a tribe of Eskimo-like people on Russia’s northwest coast) is asked what he would do if the Soviet borders were opened. “I’d climb the highest tree,” he replies. Asked why, he responds: “So I wouldn’t get trampled in the stampede out!” Then he is asked what he would do if the U.S. border is opened. “I’d climb the highest tree,” he says, “so I can see the first person crazy enough to come here.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Someone happened to call the KGB headquarters just after a major fire. “We cannot do anything. The KGB has just burned down!” he was told. Five minutes later, he called back and was told again the KGB had burned. When he called a third time, the telephone operator recognized his voice and asked “why do you keep calling back? I just told you the KGB has burned down.”
“I know,” the man said. “I just like to hear it.”
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A worker standing in a liquor line says, “I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.”

Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line.

His friends ask, “Did you get him?”

“No,” he replied. “The line there was even longer than the line here.”