Whining JOW #857

As some of you might know, Ruth has taken a job to work as a Physician’s Assistant at the Navajo Indian Reservation for three months – April, May, and June.  I will be going with her to Chinle Arizona to share in the adventure.  I think they have internet out there but I may have to use an America Online account over a phone modem to send out the JOW for the next three months.

I remembered an old joke about a Navajo which involved wine.  I know a lot more about wine than I do about the Navajo reservation so I quickly shifted to jokes about wine. 

A woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride. The woman thanked her and got in the car.

After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.

The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."

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Sometimes when I reflect back on the wine I drink I am abashed.  Then I think about all the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn’t drink wine they might be out of a job and their dreams would be shattered.  Then I realize that it is better to drink wine and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.

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·         Lord give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can’t.

·         People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point.  The glass is refillable.

·         Of course an engineer would tell you it is full – half with wine, half with air. 

·         And an oenophile would say that is if just right to bring out the bouquet of the wine.

·         And a chemist would remind you that wine actually is a solution.

·         I had salad for dinner.  Fruit salad.  Mostly grapes.  Okay, all grapes.  Fermented grapes.  Wine.  I had wine for dinner.

·         Sometimes I add ‘drink some wine’ to my “To Do” list just so I have a sense of accomplishment.

·         I'm a wine enthusiast, the more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.

·         When you get a hangover from wine it's called the grape depression.

·         Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

What kind of dog brings you red wine?

A Bordeaux collie.

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I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.  The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.

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I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."

I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She said, "It's me talking to the wine.

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At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.

Maybe that's why I'm no longer a firefighter.

On an Allegro wine truck:

In case of accident – Bring cheese and crackers.  Lots and Lots of Cheese and Crackers.

>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Dear alcohol:

We had a deal.  You would make me a better dancer.

I saw the video. 

We need to talk.

Bill provided these classic Church Bulletin gaffs:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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 Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

And one last one about Sunday School:

A woman was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. She asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven? ' ' NO! ' the children answered. If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was ' NO! '

If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?

Again, they all answered ' NO!

She was just bursting with pride for them. She continued,' Then how can I get into heaven?

'A six year-old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN ' DEAD...."