Snow Joke JOW #859

We awoke this morning to find the world had been covered in soft coating of snow!  It has been a while since I have even seen freshly fallen snow.  I have heard it said that a good coating of snow is nature’s way of putting us in a white padded room.  I know that by the afternoon it will all be melted in the dry Arizona air, leaving behind a coating of red mud.  I don’t care – there is nothing so lovely as new snow on a sunny morning.  We were lucky to get here for this event.  From now on it will be getting warmer, but the weather in the mountains is always fickle, making forecasting a whimsical exercise.  The local paper had a forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 56. Tonight: Not so sunny, 35.  Spring is always eagerly awaited in the high country. When we arrived here, we saw a sign gaily decorated with flowers and butterflies. It read: “Think Spring.” After the storm blew in with freezing temperatures, however, and another flowery sign was posted. This time the message read: “Forget Spring. Think Summer.”

So here are some snow-related jokes for you all:

·         What do you have for breakfast on a snowy morning?  Frosted flakes

·         Where does a snowman keep his money?  A snowbank.

·         What is the difference between a snowboard student and a snowboard instructor?  About a week.

Lessons you can learn from a snowman:

·         Wearing white is always in style - even after Labor Day.

·         Getting outside in the winter is good for your health.

·         It's fun just to hang out in your front yard.

·         We're all made up of mostly water.

·         Accessories don't have to be expensive.

·         Don't get too much sun!

·         If you're a little bottom heavy - hey, that's okay!

·         In a confrontation, a hand-held hairdryer can be an effective weapon.

·         You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

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A couple purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and the year’s first snow came early and the wife was concerned about the house's lack of insulation.

"If they could live here all those years, so can we!" the husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and they woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. The husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."
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Winters are fierce in Minnesota where he lives, so the owner of a construction project felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman. Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the coldest snowy day, the project manager asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

"Why don't you wear them?" The Project Manager said.

The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"

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A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
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As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold.

I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”

And on unrelated notes:

Every Easter our church stages an elaborate pageant. Last year the man who played Pontius Pilate had to work on the night of the dress rehearsal, and a chorus member substituted for him. As we began rehearsing Pilate’s solo, the conductor stopped the orchestra. “Pilate, I don’t hear you,” he called out. “You’re not loud enough.”
“Pilate is at work,” a voice on the stage shouted back. “We’ve got our co-Pilate tonight.”

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Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim’s father returned from his walk and called out, “I’m ready to leave.”

Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, “You’re a kid?”