Women versus Men JOW #898

One of my recurring JOW themes is the eternal battle between men and women.  Right now I think women have the men on the run. Women want equality, men want to know what the hell's going on!! Can you imagine what the pundits would say about the ‘times up’ movement if Hilary had run a half-way competent campaign and we had a female president?  By now I am sure there would have been federal laws mandating burning at the stake as punishment for sexual harassment.   I will start this set of jokes with a brief essay I found about women and men.

Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home" call from a friend after a snowy drive home.
They are child care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice. They are in the front row at PTA meetings.  They work to get their children in the right schools and get their family the right health care. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They stick a love note in their children's lunch box. They go without new shoes so their children can have them. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman's touch can cure any ailment. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends.
And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

Men on the other hand are mostly just good at picking up heavy things

(The author of this essay did not want to give her name.)

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In order for a man to interest a woman he has to be smart, funny, complementary, strong, compassionate, caring, romantic, prosperous, and generous.

In order for a woman to interest a man all she needs to do is show up in a sexy outfit with a six pack of beer.

………………..

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.
“””””””””””””

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.  Although when we were on the Navajo reservation we learned that sometimes when the man opened the car door for the woman the car was doing about sixty.

Two quick riddles:

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.

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For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

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A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The man replies, "Boobs!"

>>>>>>>>>>>> 

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Men see better than they listen, so women wear makeup.

Women listen better than they see, so men lie.

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PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

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Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.

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Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"
Jill: "They already have boyfriends."

Why dogs are better than men

Dogs don't have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you are gone.
You can train a dog.     
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs understand what "NO" means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
When dogs play "fetch", they don't laugh at how you throw.
Dogs are color blind.
Dogs understand if some of their friends aren't allowed to come inside.

Why dogs are better than women

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs think you sing great.

Dogs don't weep.

Dogs don’t mind flatulence.

Dogs love red meat.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs aren't catty.

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An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
      
      The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
      
      The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."