50th Reunion JOW #920

If you think things improve with age, just go to a high school reunion.  My high school reunion is this weekend.  That gives me a week to lose 30 pounds and achieve fame and fortune.  They say with age comes wisdom.  So all my wisdom much weigh about just about that extra 30 pounds.  Or maybe it is just baby (boomer) fat.  I suspect the other men will have gone from beef cake to pot roast and the women will have added a few minutes to their hourglass figures.  Yes, going to a high school reunion brings new meaning to the phrase “50 Shades of Gray”.  Here are a few reunion jokes that I can remember.

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 Husband takes the wife to her 50th high school reunion.

 After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

 The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.

 There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, doing back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

 Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 50 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

 Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

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A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for their reunion dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there wear low cut blouses.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group again pools their thoughts and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group again decides to discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group again discusses where they should meet for reunion dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group again discusses where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

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Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a car dealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: That’s’ nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a plane.
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns a real estate company and just gave his best friend a house.
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other three guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about?
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our son are.
Guy 4: Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so disappointed with what he's done with his life.
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a sports car, a plane and a house from his three boyfriends.

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Gray Pride: We’re old, we’re tired, get off our lawn

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Folsom Prism blues – I see the light refracting round the bend, I ain’t seen a rainbow since I don’t know when.

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I love words – Dick sent me some new definitions of words we desperately need:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And a final gift from Dick

Wednesday morning the weather was too bad to play golf.  I was bored with nothing to do.  Suddenly there was a knock on the door.  I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:

"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

So I said, "Come in and sit down."

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the sh#$ out of me. I never got this far before.”