Insensitive old man JOW #924

I have noticed a certain crankiness in myself lately.  I assume it is more associated with aging; live long enough and you get to see enough BS that you are unwilling to put up with it.  A man reaches a certain age where he doesn’t want any drama.  Young men need to understand that an old man doesn’t want to fight anyone, but if he is forced to fight, do not expect him to fight fair.  He will not quit and there are no weapons he will not use.  He cannot out run or outfight an aggressor so he will kill him.  Don’t poke the old men. They will hurt you.

That grumpy warning out of the way here are some generally insensitive jokes.

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Think old and you will be old.

Think you and you will be a delusional old fart.

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When I was a young man it was actually permissible to shoot your wife’s lover if you caught him in the act.  This joke is from that era.

A man returns home a day early from a business trip.  It's after midnight.
While enroute home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness, because the man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.  The husband switches on the lights and yanks the blanket back. There is his wife, naked as a jay bird, with an older man, also totally nude.
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, "Don't do it!  I lied when I told you I inherited money".
"HE paid for the Porsche I gave you".
"HE paid for your new fishing boat.."
"HE paid for your football season tickets.."
"HE paid for our house at the lake."
"And because of HIM, I can put an extra $2,000 in our checking account each month."
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.  He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do'?

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold."

 Bill sent this one: this is about older Texas women

One day, a Texas gentlewoman was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixing to jump.  ("fixing" In Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action).

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, " My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said. "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo."

He replied, "What's the Alamo?"

She replied. "Well bless your heart!  You just go ahead and jump then.”

While I am on an insensitive track, here are a couple more.

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.   As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.'

 Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

 Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'

 'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Donnie replies.

 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'

 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, 

I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."  She said, 'You must be mistaken.  I'm not a widow.'

 Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

 Or on a related note.

A chief petty officer had to notify one of his sailors that his mother had died.

At quarters that morning he addressed the men in formation.

“All right, I want everyone whose mother is still alive to take one step forward; not so fast Kowalski.”

Finally, some of you liked my father’s poetry.  Here is one more; I do love its cadences.

Note: it is not politically correct.

Hentirely So

I had a varied bunch of chickens

In a pen

And they used to raise the dickens

Now and then

Every rooster in the flock

Brahma, Leghorn, Plymouth Rock

Barnyard strain or blooded stock

Loved one hen

She was fickle and flirtatious

            Gay and spry

Coy, uncertain, pert, audacious

Likewise shy

When some valiant chanticleer

Tried to whisper I her ear

He’d receive a vicious spear

In his eye

Then one day a scrawny fellow

Old and tough

Bandy-legged, dingy yellow

Called her bluff

Female feathers filled the air

Squawks resounded everywhere

But he licked her then and there

Sure enough

From that very day and hour

She was meek

Missus Hen was in his power

So to speak

Followed him around the lot

Gave him every worm she got

Fed it to him like as not

With her beak

This is just a homely tale

But it’s true

Hen require a master male

Yes they do

He who hesitates is lost

Hold your ground at any cost

Hens delight in being bossed

Women, too

-Roderick Davis Pinney