Dogs away! JOW #928

I am on a road trip to escape the summer heat during the dog days of summer.  Before I left I prepared a set of jokes to send out before I drove out on Monday – and I forgot to send it! Just as well; since we are in the dog days I was able to put together some dog-related jokes and am sending it out from my hotel room here in Roswell.  It is WAY too hot here to camp. 

Here are my dog days jokes:

Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a language you don’t understand, and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.

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What do you call a large canine that meditates?  An Aware wolf

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A dog went to the flea circus.  He stole the show.

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How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?

One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

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Did you hear about the dog who had puppies on the sidewalk?

She was ticketed for littering.

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A police officer was sitting his car with his K9 partner in the back seat. A little boy walked over and asked, “Is that a dog in the back seat?”

The officer said, “It sure is.”

“Wow,” said the boy, “what did he do?”

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The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.

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Two men are talking about animals. One says to the other, ‘I know of a dog worth $10,000.’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Who would have thought a dog could save so much.’

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Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside. ‘Are you here to see Dr Meyer?’ she asked.

‘Yes,’ the boy said. ‘I’m having my dog put in neutral.’

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“They say the dog is man's best friend.  I don't believe that.  How many of your friends have you neutered?”

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What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?   My dog doesn’t ride a bike!

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A dog walks into a pub and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a beer please".

The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!"

The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

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Dog for sale.  Easy-going.  Eats anything.  Loves children.

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Two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper offering to sell bird dogs. Well, they had heard that bird dogs make excellent companions, were smart, and good at what they do.  So, they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him.  The two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally, one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back!"

Some non-dog jokes

·         Research shows that 6 of 7 dwarves are not happy

·         ‘I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’ is disproved by science.

·         Donuts – the original hole food

·         I am terrified of elevators.  I take steps to avoid them.

·         And my fear of moving stairs is escalating.

·         If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people.

·         Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it does know a lot of people.

·         Things that tell the truth: small children, drunks, and yoga pants

·         I ordered a chicken and an egg of the internet to see which would come first

·         Never iron a four-leaf clover. That is pressing your luck.

·         I will track down whoever stole my copy of MS Office.  You have my Word.

·         I saw a baguette at the zoo.  It was bread in captivity.

·         Did you see that cashier?  She was checking me out.

·         A bike in town keeps running over me.  It’s a vicious cycle.

And finally

After being away on a road trip, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tom complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tom, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.