My
jokes this week sort of have a scientific them with sort of an emphasis on
chemistry, mainly because I could remember and fine more of them. I haven’t studied chemistry since high school
and the only thing funny about it then was my effort to master the
subject. I hope you enjoy these somewhat
unusual jokes this week.
------------
The optimist sees the glass half
full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass
completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
Some
chemistry riddles
Q: What should you do if no one laughs at your
chemistry jokes?
A: Keep
telling them until you get a reaction.
I tried writing jokes about the periodic
table……but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element. But let me try a few of them here.
*************
Q: How often do you like to hear
jokes about elements?
A: Periodically.
Teen 1: Did
you hear oxygen and magnesium got together??
Teen 2: OMg!
Teen 2: OMg!
Q: Anyone know any jokes about
sodium?
A: Na
Q: Y’all want to hear a Potassium
joke?
A: K
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date
with potassium?
A: It went OK.
Q: Did you hear about the man who
got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He’s 0K now. (Note, that is
zero not an O, and K is the Kelvin scale.)
Q: How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
A: He
picked up his beaker before it was cool.
Q: What’s the difference between chemistry
jokes and physics jokes?
A: Chemistry
jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can’t
helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
Two more non-chemistry riddles.
Q:
What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A:
Pull down its genes.
Q: What is Cole’s Law?
A: Thinly
sliced cabbage.
Famous last words from chemists:
1)
“And now the taste test…”
2)
“And now shake it a bit…”
3)
“In which glass was my mineral water?”
4)
“This is a completely safe experimental setup.”
5)
“Now you can take the protection window away…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician
were observing an empty building. They noted two people entering the building
and sometime later observed three coming out.
The biologist
remarked, “Oh, they must have reproduced.”
The engineer
said, “Our initial count must have been incorrect.”
The mathematician
stated, “Now if one more person goes into the building, it will be completely
empty.”
`````````````````````
A
physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first
time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the high waves. He said
he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked
into the ocean and was swept away.
The
biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean
and walked inside the ocean. He, too, never returned.
The
chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The
physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.”
++++++++++++++
A
frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him,
“You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything
about you.”
The
frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,”
says his advisor, “in her biology class.”
>>>>>>>>>>>
Cellular biology is the only
science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
<<<<<<<<<<<
A photon checks into a hotel and
is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling
light.”
===========
The
doctor tells a woman that she has only six months to live. He advises her to
marry a chemist and move to Toledo. The woman asks, “Will this cure my
illness?”
“No,” replies the doctor, “but it will make
six months seem like a very long time.”
++++++++++
Q:
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
Q: 'How many socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Thousands, one to screw it in, the rest are
there to claim joint responsibility, share in its glow and ensure the one who
did the screwing in doesn't get individually recognized for lighting the way.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A dung beetle walks into a
bar and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”
-------------
Q: What was the name of the first Electric Detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms.
……….
One tectonic plate bumped
into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.”
And finally some “dog
ate my homework” jokes.
Kid: “God ate my homework.”
Teacher: “Are you dyslexic?”
Kid: “No, I belong to a
really weird religion.”
The next day the kid
approached with his arm heavily bandaged.
Teacher: “I suppose you are
going to tell me the dog ate your homework again.”
Kid: “Yeah, and this time I
was holding it.”
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