Geezer JOW #968

My jokes today are from and about geezers.  This is a rich field of humor and, since I am rapidly approaching Geezerhood, one that I can exploit without fear of offense.  Besides, if you do offend an old person it’s okay as they will forget about it pretty quickly anyway. 

First I have a joke from Tor that Ruth and I enjoyed.

My wife, Ruth, fell off the back of my motorcycle.

I rode on.  Ruthlessly.  

I am always glad to get some JOW fodder.  These are from Dianne

·         I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

·         Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.  

·         You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

·         Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

·         Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance.”

·         The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.  

·         The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

·         Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

·         The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

·         Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"

·         Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

And Dianne can be a bit of a wiseass, too. 

I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond.

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When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!

Here is a topical joke from Bill

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So, he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. 

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?" 

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." 

Dr. Young: “Aaagh! -- This is gasoline!" 

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!

You've got your taste back. That will be $500." 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. 

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." 

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." 

Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is gasoline!" 

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." 

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. 

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!" 

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill). 

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!" 

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." 

 *Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"

And finally, a joke that you have to be a Geezer to understand.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought... He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then an actor when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

- She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."