Where there's a Will JOW #970

I generally don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected.  However, I have been bombarded by countless news reports, all breathlessly talking about the Mueller investigation.  There has been so much speculation that the release of the report has caused the collapse of the Mueller-Industrial Complex. I have heard the name ‘Mueller’ so often that I am reminded of the scene in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ where his teacher is droning out the name “Bueller… Bueller?”  Of course, the report will be hailed as vindication of their previous positions by both sides, each scrambling to cherry-pick elements that support their prior stances.  Why don’t the Democrats investigate something that would be easier to prove, like the fact that Trump sometimes behaves like a real jerk?  This actually is the continuation of a long history of political absurdity in the United States. 

Will Rodgers was a great observer of the human condition.  He was particularly insightful when he spoke about politicians.  These are quotes are just as valid as they were 80 years ago.

·         Everything is changing.  People are taking their comedians seriously and their politicians as a joke.

·         Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

·         I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

·         I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

·         Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

·         Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

·         About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

·         A fool and his money are soon elected.

·         The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

·         "This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation."

·         "If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics" 

·         "Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees."

And two more of Will’s quotes about lawyers, just because.

·         Make crime pay.  Become a lawyer.

·         The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.

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When an old soldier came to the clinic for his first MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Looking at the older technician, the old boy asked, “How long was I in there for?”

Another ‘old' joke

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.
Some random thoughts:

·         No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.

·         Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

·         A home DNA test does not make a good gift at a baby shower.

And finally

There is an expression of disbelief, common in the armed forces that goes way back.  It just so happens to have originated through the father of our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. 

 It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.   Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. 

 Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. 

 Then Corporal Peters slipped and he and his lantern fell into the Delaware. 

 Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.  

 Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.   Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' 

 They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.   What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.   General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there. 

 Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'  

 Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well General, you have come to the right place.   We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?

Washington replied, 'Well Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.' 

 And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'