It’s Christmas Eve and if you listen carefully tonight
you can hear all the fathers swearing while trying to assemble toys. I want to wish each and every one of you a
Happy Christmas. I kinda prefer the English wish as opposed to Merry
Christmas. Merriment can lead to
problems – I will settle for happy. I will work on what to wish you for the New
Year by the next JOW.
A letter FROM Santa
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Smith
I received a letter from your son Johnny today. Please leave a hundred dollar bill under the
plate with cookies or I will deliver the drum set.
Some quick Christmas riddles
·
What would you call Santa at the South
Pole? Lost
·
When Santa doesn't move then what he should be
called? Santa Pause.
·
What gives presents and bites people? Santa Jaws
·
What is the term from people who are afraid of
Santa Claus? Claustrophoic
·
What does baby Yoda want for Christmas? A Toy yoda
·
What did Adam say on the day before
Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
==============
A Mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list
to Jesus. He first writes, ‘Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole
year, so I want a new…' He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and
throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, ‘Dear baby
Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…' He again
looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into
his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet,
and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, ‘Dear baby
Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again…'
+++++++++++++
There once was a man named Juan. Juan worked super hard
for his family of four including his oldest daughter Navi. One year on
Christmas Eve, Juan is illegally detained. Navi, being his activist daughter
immediately rallied her friends. They met in front of the jail on Christmas Day
and they al began singing....
Release Navi's Dad!!
Release Navi's Dad!!
And here is a heartwarming joke to close this Happy Christmas
JOW
Tom had lived in New York City for 30 years now. As he looked out the window of his office suite, he realized it was Christmas Eve.
He had been so absorbed with the company business and without a family of his own, had really not been paying attention to the holidays. As he stared at the warmly clad figures below scurrying away with their packages and bags back to their families and loves ones, Tom realized he hadn’t spent Christmas with his parents in over 20 years. “Maybe next year” he would always tell his mom on the phone, and the years just piled up and drifted by. But not this year, Tom decided. Tom was going to go back to his small, mid-western home town for Christmas. His parents weren’t getting any younger and he decided this was finally the year he would surprise them for Christmas. Plus, it would be good to see the old town.
He rushed home from the office after leaving early from work that day, bought tickets for that night for the 2 hour flight and the one hour bus ride, and got off the bus just as the snow was starting to fall on the quiet, tree- lined streets of the small town he had wanted so desperately to escape. Now though, he realized, this was the only place where he might actually feel comfortable and loved.
As he stood outside the bus depot admiring the snowfall, a taxi pulled up and rolled its window down. “Tom, is that you?” It was Bert, his childhood friend, who now owned a chain of taxis in the area. “Bert, I can’t believe your here! Hey, can you give me a ride?” Bert replied, “For you on Christmas Eve, absolutely! I’ll never forget the way you and your parents just welcomed me and took care of me when we were kids. Climb on in.”
Once Tom settled in with his luggage, Bert asked him where he wanted to go. At that moment, Tom caught a glimpse of a bright flashing light, and realized it was the sign for Ruthy’s 24- Hour Dinner where he had spent many happy hours working as a bus boy in high school. Suddenly he could taste the malts and fries of his childhood and exclaimed, “To Ruthy’s!” I’ll buy you a piece of pie!” “Fantastic!” replied Bert.
They drove on over and parked right outside the main door. As Tom got out of the taxi and walked up to the door, he was flooded by memories of this wonderful place and the boisterous Ruthy herself. As Tom opened the door, he looked around, and there she was - Ruthy! A little older, but still fiery. “Well I’ll be! Thomas, is that you? All grown up? I haven’t seen you in 20 years! Look at you in your fancy New York suit. Come over here and give your Auntie Ruthy a hug.” Ruthy squeezed the breath out of Tom, but he didn’t mind, he was just happy to see her doing so well.
“Tommy, what would you like? It’s on the house. Merry Christmas.” Tom declared, “Ruthy, I couldn’t possibly take your food for free on Christmas Eve.” Ruthy gave a sigh and said, “ Tom, it’s a Christmas gift just to get to see you and remember all the good times you spent working here- we had a great staff! So what’ll it be?” Tom thought, but only for a second, as he remembered his favorite dish like it was yesterday. “I’ll take the eggs benedict and a piece of pie for Bert!”
Tom had lived in New York City for 30 years now. As he looked out the window of his office suite, he realized it was Christmas Eve.
He had been so absorbed with the company business and without a family of his own, had really not been paying attention to the holidays. As he stared at the warmly clad figures below scurrying away with their packages and bags back to their families and loves ones, Tom realized he hadn’t spent Christmas with his parents in over 20 years. “Maybe next year” he would always tell his mom on the phone, and the years just piled up and drifted by. But not this year, Tom decided. Tom was going to go back to his small, mid-western home town for Christmas. His parents weren’t getting any younger and he decided this was finally the year he would surprise them for Christmas. Plus, it would be good to see the old town.
He rushed home from the office after leaving early from work that day, bought tickets for that night for the 2 hour flight and the one hour bus ride, and got off the bus just as the snow was starting to fall on the quiet, tree- lined streets of the small town he had wanted so desperately to escape. Now though, he realized, this was the only place where he might actually feel comfortable and loved.
As he stood outside the bus depot admiring the snowfall, a taxi pulled up and rolled its window down. “Tom, is that you?” It was Bert, his childhood friend, who now owned a chain of taxis in the area. “Bert, I can’t believe your here! Hey, can you give me a ride?” Bert replied, “For you on Christmas Eve, absolutely! I’ll never forget the way you and your parents just welcomed me and took care of me when we were kids. Climb on in.”
Once Tom settled in with his luggage, Bert asked him where he wanted to go. At that moment, Tom caught a glimpse of a bright flashing light, and realized it was the sign for Ruthy’s 24- Hour Dinner where he had spent many happy hours working as a bus boy in high school. Suddenly he could taste the malts and fries of his childhood and exclaimed, “To Ruthy’s!” I’ll buy you a piece of pie!” “Fantastic!” replied Bert.
They drove on over and parked right outside the main door. As Tom got out of the taxi and walked up to the door, he was flooded by memories of this wonderful place and the boisterous Ruthy herself. As Tom opened the door, he looked around, and there she was - Ruthy! A little older, but still fiery. “Well I’ll be! Thomas, is that you? All grown up? I haven’t seen you in 20 years! Look at you in your fancy New York suit. Come over here and give your Auntie Ruthy a hug.” Ruthy squeezed the breath out of Tom, but he didn’t mind, he was just happy to see her doing so well.
“Tommy, what would you like? It’s on the house. Merry Christmas.” Tom declared, “Ruthy, I couldn’t possibly take your food for free on Christmas Eve.” Ruthy gave a sigh and said, “ Tom, it’s a Christmas gift just to get to see you and remember all the good times you spent working here- we had a great staff! So what’ll it be?” Tom thought, but only for a second, as he remembered his favorite dish like it was yesterday. “I’ll take the eggs benedict and a piece of pie for Bert!”
“Ahhh,” said Ruthy, “you always loved my hollandaise sauce! Coming right up!”
Ruthy went into the back, and Tom and Bert chatted about memories spent in the diner and of their lives since then. They paused to look out the window and it struck Tom then how lucky he was to be in this diner, in this small town.
Ruthy came out of the kitchen after about 15 minutes with a fresh piece of pie, and the eggs benedict. As she set the eggs benedict down, Tom realized that instead of being served on a plate, Ruthy has put the eggs benedict on a hub cap.
Ruthy went into the back, and Tom and Bert chatted about memories spent in the diner and of their lives since then. They paused to look out the window and it struck Tom then how lucky he was to be in this diner, in this small town.
Ruthy came out of the kitchen after about 15 minutes with a fresh piece of pie, and the eggs benedict. As she set the eggs benedict down, Tom realized that instead of being served on a plate, Ruthy has put the eggs benedict on a hub cap.
“Ruthy,”
Tom asked, giving her a puzzled look, “why are my eggs on a hub cap?”
“Tom,”
Ruthy declared, “EVERYBODY knows there is no place like chrome for the
hollandaise.”
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