Contradictory JOW #1013

I have often wondered what makes a joke or situation funny?  I am not alone in this, there are lots of scholarly papers on the subject.  Some things are funny to one person and not to another – these can vary based on culture, age, and gender.   Personally I do not find bathroom humor amusing, nor am I one for jokes that are cruel or demeaning.  I find that I laugh at things that are silly or unexpected – shocking even.  Some of my favorite types of jokes are ‘stupid’ jokes where people do stupid or silly things and jokes that are self-contradictory.  I have a bunch of those as my offering this week, thanks to inputs from Ruth. 

+++++++++++++++

Letting go is the only thing I have to hold onto anymore.

I am the poster child for people who don’t fit into any category.

You just have to get used to the fact that there are things the human mind can never accept.

I am trying to be a good listener but you keep interrupting me.

My brain is wracked by cognitive dissonance and I say that with a mixture of pride and shame.

You must always keep the Buddhist concept that ‘thinking is the problem’ in the forefront of your mind.

I will share the secrets of relaxing leisure with you as soon as I have a few minutes to spare.

Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional.  Tonight I will have a wine that pairs well with both.

I am giving you way more unconditional love than you deserve.

Be refusing to compete with you I win.

People are hungry for complicated answers and that’s all you need to know.

Dualism works for me, but only about half the time.

The truth that set me free cost me everything

I hate stupid, petty power struggles when I don’t have the upper hand.

Less is really more, so the more less you have the better!

Focusing on quality over quantity eventually works if you do it often enough

I am making a detailed list of all the things of things I’s rather not remember

I am feeling fine which is a rough average between ecstasy and despair.

Nihilists claim we can’t know anything; I don’t even think we can know that.

My notes about entropy are getting more and more disorganized every day.

Life’s contradictions drive me crazy but the paradoxes don’t bother me a bit.

I never apologize.  I’m sorry, that’s just the way I am.

If we had it a little worse we’d recognize how good things are.

I am trying to model my behavior of not conforming as an example for others to follow.

I have invented a new word.  I am going to call it Plagiarism.

Is it just my imagination, or am I making things up?

Some questions to ponder

·         Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it’s only a "penny for your thoughts"?  Where's that extra penny going? Taxes?

·         What disease did cured ham actually have?

·         How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

·         Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

·         If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

·         Why is “bra" singular and "panties" plural?

·         Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

·         Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

·         Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

·         Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

==========

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.  I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

^^^^^^^^^^^

A guy asked a lawyer about his fees.
“I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer replied.
“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” the guy said.
“Yes, I suppose so,” the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”

~~~~~~~~~~~

One day a man with an elephant walked into a movie theater.
“I’m afraid I can’t let your elephant in here, sir,” the manager said.
“Oh, I assure you, he’s very well behaved,” the man assured him.
“All right then,” the manager says. “If you’re sure. …”
After the movie, the manager says to the man, “I’m very surprised! Your elephant was well behaved, and he even seemed to enjoy the movie!”
“Yes, I was surprised, too,” says the man. “He hated the book.”

Hunting season is over but Bill sent me a hunting joke anyway.

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.

That night, one of the hunters, who happened to be blonde, returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.

“Where’s Henry?” one of his camp mates asked.

“Henry collapsed when we were carrying this big boy back to camp. He’s back up the trail somewhere.”

“You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!”

“A tough call,” nodded the hunter, “but I figured no one is going to steal Henry.”