Corruption JOW #1012

There has been a lot of discussion about corruption.  We really have no idea how bad corruption is in some countries.  Although our system is far from perfect it does not suffer from the inevitable drag on the economy which accompanies corruption.  But there are some nice jokes about crooked governments which inexorably led to me jokes about Marxism which is apparently gaining credence in some intellectual circles.  The discussion goes, ‘yeah Communism let to mass starvation and a police state, but this time we can get it right.’ 

So here are some corruption jokes beginning with one from Dick

A joke about corruption in Argentina,

 An elderly man went to his polling place to vote.  As he was signing his name on the register he asked the clerk, “Has my wife voted?

 The clerk looked at the roll and said, “Yes, that’s her name right there…she’s signed the roll…don’t you come to the polling place together?”

 The man said, “No…she died 15 years ago but she still manages to vote in every election.  Every time I come here I hope to see her but it’s never happened.”

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And in Chicago there were plans to provide better security for graveyards by installing fences and gates.  Local politicians protested that this was voter suppression.

This is from The Economist

A Chinese bureaucrat, an Indian bureaucrat and an African bureaucrat walk into a bar. They’ve known each other for years, having met every year at UN conferences, and they’ve become friends.

But, talking over drinks, they realize that they’ve only ever met at conferences. So the Chinese bureaucrat suggests that after the next one, in Beijing, they come to his house to relax for a few days.

They all agree, and when the next conference ends, they set off. They get a plane at Beijing’s airport, fly to a provincial city and speed off down a six-lane highway to a large house in the suburbs.

"This is a really nice house," the African bureaucrat says. "How did you afford it on your government salary?"

"Well, did you see that new highway we drove on? I just took some money from the project and spent it on the house."

The other bureaucrats nod, obviously impressed. For the next few days the three men have a wonderful time, and agree to meet again after the next summit, this time at the Indian bureaucrat’s house.

A year goes by, the conference ends and they set off. They fly from the airport in Delhi to a little provincial town. Then they jolt down a long, potholed road until they get to a large mansion.

The Chinese bureaucrat, obviously impressed, asks how the Indian bureaucrat could have afforded it. The Indian bureaucrat replies, "Well, did you see that highway we drove on? I just took some money out of the project and spent it on the house."

A year later they are in Africa, and they all agree to head to the African bureaucrat’s house. They go to the airport, and fly to a smaller airport in the middle of the jungle. From there they board a helicopter and fly over a jungle to a large palace surrounded by military guards. They look out over trees as far as the eye can see.

The Indian and Chinese bureaucrats are amazed, and they are both eager to know how he managed to afford such a palace.

"Well, did you see that highway we drove on?" the African bureaucrat asks.

++++++++++++

Q: What's the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A: A capitalist fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time, there was....". A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Some day, there will be...."

Q: Will there be secret in communism?

A: As you know, under communism, the state will be abolished, together with its means of suppression. People will know how to self-arrest themselves.

Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the US and USSR? Both of them guarantee freedom of speech.

A: Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.

Rules for living in a Communist state.

·         Don't think.

·         If you think, then don't speak.

·         If you think and speak, then don't write.

·         If you think, speak and write, then don't sign.

·         If you think, speak, write and sign, then don't be surprised.

^^^^^^^^^^

In a communist prison, two inmates are comparing notes. "What did they arrest you for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or common crime?"

"Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

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Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says: “I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin asks, “Why blue?”

 Stalin: "I knew you would not object to the first one."

Which got me off of my political soapbox leading to some other rules

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in on a Harley than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.

5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULE:

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Finally, some Fun Facts from Bill

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from the mouth to the stomach.

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of a penis is 3 times the length of a thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

Women blink 2 times as much as men.

We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

A woman has read this entire text.

A man is still looking at his thumb.