The Big Game is this Sunday. I am not sure if it is worth praying about. I mean the Patriots aren’t going to
the Super Bowl and that’s about all we can ask of God at the moment.
Besides, last year’s Super Bowl was pretty boring. At the half it was Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0. With enough chips and beverages I guess the
watching football is as good a way to pass a dreary Sunday afternoon as any, I
guess. But it is a Big Deal, and thus
worthy of some jokes.
-------------
What's infinite times better than the Super
Bowl?
The Hyperbole
````````
So, there's the Super Bowl.
After that, there's the Mega Bowl.
Then, after that, there's the Giga Bowl.
Any more than that, though, would just be Tera
Bowl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend bought Super Bowl tickets last year,
but he didn't realize when he bought them it was going to be on the same day as
his wedding. Now he is looking for
someone to take his place. If you are
interested, it's at Temple of God Church, in Lexington at 3pm. Bride’s name is
Beth. She'll be the one in the white
dress.
^^^^^^^
>>>>>>>>
What do you call an Atlanta
Falcons player with a Super Bowl ring?
A thief.
<<<<<<<<<<
The Dallas Cowboys had just finished
their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the
field. While the players looked on in amazement, the turkey walked
up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.
Everyone stared in silence and wonder as the
turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When
the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach said, "You're superb. Sign
up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."
"Forget the bonus," replied the
turkey, "What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving
Day?"
+++++++
Q: What do Cowboys fans do after they win the
Super Bowl?
A: Turn off the XBox.
==========
A Cleveland Browns fan finds a magical lamp.
The fan rubs the lamp and a genie emerges.
Genie: "I am the all-powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"
Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"
Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."
Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cleveland Browns win the super bowl."
Genie: "You clever bastard... "
Genie: "I am the all-powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"
Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"
Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."
Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cleveland Browns win the super bowl."
Genie: "You clever bastard... "
-----------
Ever wonder why Houston Texan fans are so
rich?
Because they never have to pay for super bowl
tickets!
More contradictory thoughts
Embracing radical simplicity has improved my
life in 18 different ways.
I want to genuinely apologize now for turning
out to be so insincere later on.
I am ready to feel genuine remorse if that
will get me off the hook.
I stopped neurotically clinging to the past at
11:08 AM on March 11th, 2018.
There is a 50/50 chance that I am probably
wrong.
I am not doing much to alleviate the suffering
of humanity other than transferring some of mine to you.
Most of the things I worried about never came
to pass. It was the all the things I
never saw coming.
Can’t we all agree that the idea of consensus
is an illusion?
We are all moving together as one toward the
same destination. Which is why there is
this traffic jam.
If you aren’t one of those people who ‘fake it
till you make it’ just pretend you are.
We don’t have to be in the same room to feel
the love we share. In fact, sometimes it’s
often better if we aren’t
+++++++
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged
by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken
turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
·
The easiest time to add insult to
injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.
·
Sometimes you meet people who change
your life for the better. These people
are called bartenders.
Ron put things pretty well:
Could not
ask for better friends. I suppose I
could ask for more normal ones but then life would be far too dull.
A final off topic joke
The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks
great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows
I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the
night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The
light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls
Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I
had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true
that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom,
and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the
refrigerator again!”
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