Big Texas JOW #1032

Due to quarantine I was only telling inside jokes, but this week I will try to branch out; I am already tired of 2020.  Frankly I would like to uninstall the whole year.  It has a virus.  But this too shall pass – just like a kidney stone.  But if I got through Mad Dog 20/20 as a college student I can get through 2020 now.  This particular virus sucks.  For something this terrible, I expected zombies shambling down the street, not zombies inside peering at their televisions.  Some people have now watched so much TV they have finished Netflix.  And if you are worried about your kids watching too much TV.  Put up subtitles.  Boom - now they’re reading. 

Signs of the times

·         On a strip club – Clothed

·         On two movie theaters –

o   Cinema closed until real life doesn’t feel like a movie

o   -Closed – No close encounters of ANY kind.

(Have you ever noticed how every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist?)

·         At an Evangelical church – Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances

·         Another church sign – Jesus rode his ass into Jerusalem.  Keep yours at home.

Donna sent me some facts about Texas.  Even having lived here for over 20 years, I find some of these astonishing and entertaining 

The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. (Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.)  And most people find that Texans are pretty darn friendly.

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Cleveland , Texas 77327
Dayton, Texas 77535
Denver City , Texas 79323
Klondike , Texas 75448
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami, Texas 79059
Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
Reno , Texas 75462

There is no need to travel to Washington D.C.; just go to Whitehouse, Texas 75791

Feel like visiting foreign places? You can be a world traveler while still in Texas-

Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Ireland , Texas 76538
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460

And a city named after our State

Texas City, Texas 77590

We even have a city named after our planet!

Earth, Texas 79031

For the kids...

Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie , Texas 77665
Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas, to make you smile.....

Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest , Texas 76886
Kickapoo , Texas 75763
Dime Box , Texas 77853
Old Dime Box , Texas 77853
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph , Texas 76883
Twitty, Texas 79079

And some personal favorites...

Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City , Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas

Stagecoach, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas and, of course,
Muleshoe , Texas

Texas really is big.

Texarkana, Texas is closer to Chicago than Texarkana, Texas

El Paso to Texarkana: 812 miles
Texarkana to Chicago: 793 miles

And El Paso is closer to LA than Beaumont.
             El Paso to Los Angeles: 801

El Paso to Beaumont. 828

Some big Texas facts
World's first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.
The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. (DESTROYED BY HURRICANE IKE.)
Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was ' Houston.'
King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state of Texas; the rest are manmade.
Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).
The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston.

~~~~

Of course, Texas women are renowned for their beauty.  This is because if a girl is not pretty by the time she is twelve, they ship her off to Oklahoma.

<<<<< 

Many Texans view Oklahoma as an outlying province of Texas.  Oklahomans will tell you that nobody can out lie a Texan.

Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas :

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers..
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.

A farmer was bragging to is Israeli friend about how big Texas was.

“Why it took me all morning to just to drive my truck from one side of my ranch to the other.”

“Yes, I understand,” replied the Israeli with a sad smile, “I had a truck like that once, too.”

Finally a non-Texan joke

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.  The priest and mister sit on barstools and order beers.  The rabbit hops up on the stool and looks at the bartender.

The bartender looks at the rabbit and asks, “What’ll you have?”

The rabbit shrugs and says “I dunno.  I am only here because of Autocorrect.”