Legal Weed JOW #1040

We just got back from Colorado where marijuana is legal, a fact that I completely forgot while I was in the state.   Apparently the decision to legalize marijuana there was made by a 'high' government official.  Ironically there are still some counties in Colorado which do not allow alcohol.  What do you call a place where marijuana is legal but alcohol isn't?  High and dry. 

I am starting off with some marijuana jokes, shifting to some rest home humor.

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If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.
<<<<<
There was a magic show where the magician made Marijuana and Cocaine disappear.  It was all just a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

>>>> 

I think it would be a good business move to put a donut shop next to a marijuana store.  You could call it

Glazed and Confused.

^^^^^

If a marijuana dispensary gets flooded...is that considered high water?

+++++++

I watched a documentary on marijuana last night.  I really enjoyed it. From now on that's how I’m going to watch all documentaries.

~~~~~~
Why did the cows return to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

…..

Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?

The steaks are too high.

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Police Officer: "How high are you?"

Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi. How are you?"

Pot riddles
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?

A: Marijuana
Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?

A: Because pot holder was taken

Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed?

A: Neither did I.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words - ...there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

******
A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.
The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.
The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"
The comedian replied, "No, I ran over a skunk a few miles back."
The officer gave him a good look over and asked, "Why are your eyes red?"
The comedian sniffled and said, "It was a baby skunk."

+++++++++++

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where all occupants in a car had been killed

As he looked through the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey, let out a deep sigh and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"Wait, You can understand what I'm saying?!?" exclaimed the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey again nodded up and down.
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
The monkey again nodded yes in agreement. "Now wait, you're saying they were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked?" asked the officer.
"Yes," nodded the monkey, emphatically.
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving," motioned the monkey.

From Don

Do not regret growing old, it is a privilege denied to many.

These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper.   Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?
 ------------------------------ -- -----------------
 FOXY LADY
 Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6').
 Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
 Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
 ------------------------------ -- -----------------
 LONG-TERM COMMITMENT
 Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
 Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
 Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath, not a problem.
 ------------------------------ -- -----------------
 SERENITY NOW
 I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation.
 If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
 ------------------------------
 WINNING SMILE
 Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
 ------------------------------
 BEATLES OR STONES
 I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
 If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
 ------------------------------
 MEMORIES
 I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
 If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
 ------------------------------
 MINT CONDITION
 Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.  Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
 ------------------------------
 AND FINALLY
 A lady in the Villages in Florida (a senior retirement community), was
 sitting on a bench, near another bench with a gentleman sitting on the
 bench.
 She asked him if he was new to the community and he said "no, I have owned a condo here for 20 years".
 She then said "I have been here for 15 years and I have never seen you around!".
 He then said "I have been in prison for the last 17 years.".
 She finally asked him what he had done.
 He said that he had murdered his first wife.
 She after a long pause she said...
 So you're SINGLE???