Walking JOW #1039

I have been enjoying the high altitude here in Estes Park- now that I have figured out how to get oxygen from the air at this altitude.  I have been taking a lot of walks (with the dog) and hikes (in the wilderness).  The only reason I took up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.  I like long walks - especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Dick sent me some walking humor and that forms this week’s theme.

^^^^^^^^^

·         I saw a couple of large rocks while I was walking.  One was larger but shy.  The other was a little boulder.

·         Walking can add months to your life.  That way when you are 90 years old you can spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

·         "Sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world."  - Bears

·         Yogi Bear is quite safe, however – he’s a gummy bear

·         "Never follow someone else's path - unless you're in the woods and you're lost, and you see a path.  Then by all means, you should follow that."

·         I made a playlist for hiking.  It has music from The Cranberries, Peanuts and Eminem.  I call it my trail mix.

·         I was determined to carry on my hike around the lake, come hill or high water

·         I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

·         If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

·         I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill.

·         I'm like a walking encyclopedia.... I'm old, know it all, and nobody wants me.

>>>>> 

“My walking stick broke,” Tom Swift snapped.
“Good, now you can’t complain about splinters,” Bob said pointedly.

<<<<< 

What kind of running means walking?

Running out of gas!

Enough with the walking jokes

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”
Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you led the way to the creation of modern science.”
Galileo smiled with joy and walked away.
Leonardo, intrigued by Galileo’s question, says, “Jesus, please tell me what I’m remembered for all these years later.”
Jesus pauses and replies, “Leonardo, you are remembered as one of the best painters, sculptors, architects, scientists, and anatomists in all of history. Your paintings of the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper are still considered to be one of the most miraculous works of art of all time.”
Leonardo smiled with joy and walked away.
Marco, now eager to ask the same question, says, “Jesus, please tell me what I’m remembered for on Earth all these years later.”
Jesus pauses for a significant amount of time. Then he says, “Ok, so a bunch of kids get into a pool...”

---------------

Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice. “Rabbi, tell me is it proper for one man to profit from another man’s mistakes?”

“No Morris, a man should not profit from another man’s mistakes,” answered the rabbi.

“Are you sure Rabbi?”

“Of course, I’m sure, in fact I’m positive,” exclaimed the Rabbi.

“OK, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?”

And finally

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. The woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward, but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well," the woman says, "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999 my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old; it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden. "
The man can't believe it. "I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each other’s houses, snuck out, took a us into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavilion!" Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough," says the woman, "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain, how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author"
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here. I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature, this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it, this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok," the woman says, "well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes, so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date."