Been There JOW #1072

 Early spring weather in East Texas is a yo-yo.  Last week, freezing, this week air conditioning. I should be used to it – I have lived here longer than anywhere else I have been; and I have been around.  There are some spots I have yet to visit:

 

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

 

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

 

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

 

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots.  Apparently, you can't go alone.  You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

 

I've also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there.

 

I have, however, been in Sane.  They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, and family.

 

I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. 

 

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!  It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

 

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in.  It's an age thing.  They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

 

I had some “laws” jokes left over from last week.

 

Golub's Laws of Computerdom

1. Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.

2. A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; if carefully planned, it will take only twice as long.

3. The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.

4. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Goodin's Law of Conversions
The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.

Gray's Law of Programming
N+1 trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as N trivial tasks.

Loggs Rebuttal- N+1 trivial tasks take twice as long as N trivial tasks for N sufficiently large.

Grosch's Law
Computer power increases as the square of the costs. If you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as fast.

Hoare's Law of Large Programs
Inside every small program is a large program struggling to get out.
  

General Laws of Computer Programming
1. Any given program, when running smoothly, is obsolete.

2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.

3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

8. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will discover that programmers cannot write in English.

9. Software is hard. Hardware is easy. It is economically more feasible to build a computer than to program it.

10. An operating system is a feeble attempt to include what was overlooked in the design of a programming language.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology
There's always one more bug.

 

Project scheduling "80/20" rule
The first 80 percent of the task takes 80 percent of the time. The last 20 percent takes the other 80 percent.

 

Some “lawless” jokes

Would you rather have a Steinway or a Henway?
What's a Henway?
About a pound and a half.

++++++++

A union boss walks into a bar from the factory next door, and is about to order a beer when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a MAGA cap with a mug of beer sitting in front of him.

 The union boss doesn't need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican, so he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender.... but not for the 'Republican'.

 Soon after the drinks have been passed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the Union Boss.

 After a few minutes, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He nods and smiles, and again yells, "Thank you!"

 A few more minutes pass and the union boss orders another round of drinks for everyone except the Republican.   Frustrated that he can't seem to get the guy angered, the union boss asks the bartender, "What is wrong with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the dummy does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts...?"

 "Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

And finally

Cartoonist Stephan Pastis draws “Pearls before Swine”, which appears in my local paper.  He loves wordplay and bad puns – just like I do.  Here is a sample from his strip.

 

Pig and Rat are talking.

Pig: “My best friend and his wife got busted for shoplifting.  He took a vintage record and she took a Rap CD and a ‘Canned Heat’ CD.”

Rat: “So they are both in trouble?”

Pig: “No.  My friend told the cops he took them all.”

Rat: “How come?”

Pig: “His wife could get in big trouble.  She has a record.”

Rat: “I thought she took the CDs?”

Pig: “She did.  And the record.”

Rat: “I thought he had the record.”

Pig: “He has no record – which is why he took the heat.”

Rat: “You said she took the Heat.”

Pig: “She couldn’t take the heat, which is why he took the rap.”

Rat: “I thought she took the Rap.”

Pig: “How could she take the rap with a record?”

Rat: “GUESS WHO DOESN’T CARE!”  And storms off

Pig: “Guess Who’ was the record he stole.”