Spring is the season for
birthdays in our family. I recently went
to a couple of birthday parties. The
first was a third birthday party for my granddaughter. There
were lots of kids running around, balloons, good food, pleasant conversation
with family & friends and of course, cake.
The second was a 101st birthday for my mother-in law. There were lots of kids running around,
balloons, good food, pleasant conversation with family & friends and of
course, cake. Both were wonderful.
Birthday parties are a celebration to mark the passage of time. For kids this is wonderful; for adults, not
so much.
With that in mind, here
are some birthday-related jokes. Remember,
birthdays are healthy - studies consistently show that people who have more
birthdays live longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greeting Cards: When you
care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something.
```
A true friend is one who
remembers your birthday and not your age.
+++
Ladies, there’s a man who
remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy, and understands your friends and
family. His name is Mark Zuckerberg.
-----
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up
for his surprise birthday party. That's when I realized that he was her
favorite twin.
Birthday riddles.
·
What is every
horse’s birthday wish? A stable economy.
·
What happens when
no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
·
Why are birthdays
good for you? People who have the most live the longest.
·
What do you
always get on your birthday? Another year older.
You know you’re getting
old when…
·
You begin every
other sentence with, “Nowadays…”
·
Happy hour is a
nap.
·
There’s nothing
left to learn the hard way.
·
Things you buy
now won’t wear out.
·
You sit in a
rocking chair and can’t get it going.
·
You and your
teeth don’t sleep together.
·
People call at 9
p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
·
You sing along
with the elevator music.
·
Your new Chinese
name is Yung No Mo
Now to segue to a new topic: Getting the right birthday present.
I keep telling my wife I
want a Segway for my birthday. But every time I bring it up, she changes the
topic.
A logician asked his wife
what she wanted for her birthday. She
said "Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings."
So he got her nothing.
`````
It was my wife's birthday
the other day I took her to an orchard and we stood looking at the fruit for 20
minutes. Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
>>>>
A man gave his wife a
coffin for her 80th birthday. When she turned 81, she asked him why he didn't
you get her a birthday present this year.
"You haven’t used the
one I gave you last year."
<<<<<
Man to wife, “Blow out
your candles and make a wish”.
The wife does but a look
of disappointment crosses her face.
“What’s the matter,” he
asks. “My wish didn’t work.” she replies.
“How do you know already?”
he enquired.
“You’re still here.”
-----
A husband reels off a list of presents he suggests buying his wife for her
birthday. She rejects them all. “Well you tell me what you want then.”
“I want a divorce.” she
replies.
“I wasn’t planning on
spending that much.”
++++++
A man gave his young daughter
a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to
the next door neighbor.
"That's a pretty
watch you've got there!” He complemented her. “Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said,
"No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
^^^^^
After much dithering a
woman summons the courage to ring her friend and sing Happy Birthday to her
over the phone only to find she had a wrong number. “Why didn’t you stop me
when you realized it was a wrong number,” she asks the lady on the other end of
the phone.
“You need all the practice
you can get!”
++++
Middle age: that awkward
period when Father Time catches up with Mother Nature.
Here is a bit I found about getting older.
As a single, never-married
woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends,
relatives and co-workers. Over the years I've noticed a subtle change in the
nature of their inquiries. In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you
going out with this weekend?" In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who
are you dating?" In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you
dating anyone?" Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable
purse?"
++++
WebMD is
updating its server because of a virus. Well, they think it was a virus, but it
could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or
possibly...
And finally, an Easter
joke
A rabbit goes to the
dentist, and the dentist says, ‘I need to pull a tooth, but I’ll give you
Novocain.’
The rabbit answered,
‘Uh-uh! Not me, Doc. I’m an ether bunny.’”
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