Neighborly JOW #1074

 I live in The Woodlands, Texas.  Not ‘Woodlands, Texas’ that is a separate town up near Dallas.  Since that name was taken, the developers apparently decided to add a ‘The’ to it for clarity.  The Woodlands was recently named as the best city to live in by Niche.com. 

The Niche.com rankings are based on a range of factors about the community, including public safety and crime; public schools and other educational opportunities; cost of living and housing availability; diversity of residents racially as well as by education; nightlife and entertainment options; jobs and career options; and how family friendly a community is.  Having lived here 25 years, by far the longest I have lived anywhere, I have to agree.  However, the evaluations do not take into account the climate; for six months of the year we live in smothering heat and humidity, and that should take points off.  Anyway, here are some neighborhood jokes:

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A traveler is walking through a village in the country when a little boy comes running up and says, "Please, help, help, my mother is trapped in a well!" So the traveler comes to the mother's aid, she gives him some bread and a place to rest in thanks, and he moves on.
Next he is walking through a suburb neighborhood, when a little girl comes running up and says, "Please, help, help, my father is trapped on the roof! His ladder fell!" So the traveler comes to the father's aid, the father has him stay for dinner and gives him a place to rest in thanks, and he moves on.
Next he is walking through a big city. He becomes overwhelmed and stands in awe, staring around at the sights. He's never seen anything like this in his whole life. Then a big man comes running up, looking haggard and angry. The traveler sees him coming and turns to him, "What do you need help with, sir?"
The big man yells at him, "I need you to stop staring and get out of my way!"

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Two Middle Eastern men move to the United States.  After receiving dirty looks, and rude comments day after day, they soon figure out that they needed to "Americanize" themselves in order to fit in. Both men part ways on their journey to become Americans. The men do not see each other for five years, until one day they happen to bump into each other in a store.

"Hello old friend!" says the first man. "It's been so long! I have certainly become a true American since I last saw you. I have a wife, two kids, and a dog. I live in a nice neighborhood in the suburbs in a two story house, I drive a Prius and I have a job working in an office and I watch football every Sunday with my buddies and we drink beer and have barbecues! How American have you become my friend?"
The second man replied "Goddam rag head."

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In a suburb of Boston, there was a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish synagogue.

Over the years, a friendly rivalry had grown between the two congregations. One weekend, the members of the synagogue gave their long-time rabbi a brand new Cadillac. By sheer coincidence, the parishioners gave their pastor a new Cadillac on the same day.
Everyone laughed at the coincidence, and the two clerics agreed to have a race. A course was planned out, and the next day the two men took off.
The Catholic priest had a slight edge through the town, but when the course led out into more rural areas, the rabbi took the lead. Eventually the course took them to a narrow dirt road, wide enough for only one car; the rabbi was ahead with the priest was right on his tail. They passed a sign that said, "Danger! Bridge Out Ahead!", and came to a cliff where a bridge had recently been washed out.
The rabbi slammed on his brakes, his car's wheels locked up, and screeched to a stop just two feet in front of the cliff. The priest has just a tick slower to react, and his car rammed the rabbi's car, pushing its front wheels over the embankment.
With the rabbi's Cadillac balanced precariously on the cliff, the priest scrambled to help the rabbi to safety. Once both men were safe, they called the police and waited for their arrival.
A Boston cop came to the scene first. He looked at the two cars in the road. He looked at the damage to the front end of the priest's car. Then he looked at the rabbi's car, hanging on the cliff, with damage to its back end.
The cop took off his hat and scratched his head, wondering what to make of the situation. Finally, in a thick Irish brogue, he asked, "So, father, at what speed was the rabbi going when he backed into you?"

 

And finally:

 A young woman was moving into a new home in the suburbs—her first time away from family.

She decided to take residence in a house that was built by a small family several years ago. There was some construction to be done, however, so she called one of her friends who had a background in architecture to point her in the right direction.
He arrived early one morning, surveying the house. Thankful for his presence, the young woman guided her friend to the room that she was thinking of customizing. It was fairly small and had five walls, the fifth of which held the doorway.
“I’m thinking of tearing down some walls in here to make more room,” she said. “Can you help?”
Her friend looked around the perimeter of the room, putting his knowledge of architecture to the test. Finally, pointing at one section of the structure, he gave a single warning. “This fourth one’s a load-bearing wall, you’ll have to leave it alone, or else this whole place’s integrity will be at risk.”
The woman nodded, but was clearly still perplexed. Leading her friend to the door, she thanked him for the help as he left.
A week later, he and the woman bumped into each other at a restaurant.
“Hey! Did I end up helping you out with our house problem at all?”
“You were a bit confusing, but I eventually found someone who could help.”
Curious, he asked “Well... who did you ask?”
A smile occupying her face, she answered “It took a bit of looking, but I found that the Redditors who were reading this joke were quite helpful!”
A look of panic crossed her friend’s face.
Concerned as to what possibly could be the problem, she asked, “What’s wrong...?” A few moments passed before he answered:
“I told you not to break the fourth wall.”