I have had a lot of dental work over the years. I pretty much know the drill by now. Dentists have been the source of abuse over the years since 20th century dentistry could be ‘uncomfortable’, which is a word medical professionals use for ‘painful’. Modern dentistry is vastly improved, but the old perceptions, and jokes, still linger on. Here are a few jokes mostly centered on dentists and dentation.
But before I start on
dentists I have include a joke I left off last week. That JOW was about psychiatrists, the theme suggested by a joke sent from Dick. I forgot to include the joke that gave me the
theme. Here it is:
Patient: “Doctor, I think
I am falling in love with you.”
Psychiatrist: “That is
totally inappropriate. In fact, I shouldn't even be lying on the couch with you.”
^^^^^
A man and a woman are
traveling on a train.
Woman: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Man: Great! Are you single?
Woman: No. I’m a dentist.
~~~~
Patient: How much to have
this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just
a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can
extract it very slowly if you like.
They called him the king
of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.
The Flossoraptor was a
carnivorous dinosaur with impeccable dental hygiene
A group of nagging
dentists discovered a new chemical element.
It’s called Flossphorus.
Dental riddles
·
What’s the best
time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
·
Who has the most
dangerous job in Transylvania?
Dracula's
dentist.
·
Why does a
dentist seem moody?
Because he always looks down in the mouth.
·
What does the
dentist of the year get?
A
little plaque.
·
What did
the monster eat after he’d had his tooth taken out?
The dentist.
·
Why should you be
nice to your dentist?
Because they have fillings too.
·
What do you call
a dentist who can’t stop working on teeth?
An abscessive compulsive.
·
Why did the tree
go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
·
What did the
tooth say to the departing dentist?
Fill me in when you get back.
·
Why did the
dentist make a poor date for the manicurist?
They fought tooth and nail!
·
What game did the
dentist play when he was a child?
Caps and robbers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Open wider."
requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Good God!" he said startled.
"You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've
ever seen."
"OK Doc!"
replied the patient.
"I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't!" said
the dentist. "That was the echo."
========
The dentist says my teeth
are like a string of pearls.
Each one has a hole through it!
+++++++
A local dentist was
arrested for dealing drugs.
To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I’ve been going to him for
10 years and never knew he was a dentist.
^^^^^^
Did you hear about the
dentist who planted a garden?
A month later he was picking his teeth.
>>>>>>
Has your tooth stopped
hurting yet?
I don’t know; the dentist kept it.
<<<<<<<
Left my comb at the
dentist.
Now it’s a fine-toothed comb.
```````
The FBI just raided a
local dentist office.
They are currently performing a cavity search.
--------
The dentist said that he
could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
*****
Dentist: You need a crown.
Patient: Finally, someone who understands me.
>>>>>>>
Father: Don’t you feel
better now that you’ve gone to the dentist?
Son: Sure do… he wasn’t there.
<<<<<
A man got kicked out of
the dentist’s office for using all the nitrous oxide…
He got the last laugh, though.
And finally,
A posh restaurant was
looking for a piano player. A friend of the manager, the owner of a nearby jazz
club, had a recommendation: "You should give Stewart Campbell a ring. He's
a bit eccentric, mind, but he's a genius."
Well, all artists have a bit of a peculiar side, the manager thinks. And sure
enough, he calls him up and the next day Campbell shows up for an interview.
"I'm Stu," he says as he comes in, suit disheveled, hair unkempt, and
reeking of booze. "You were looking for a piano player?"
"Err, yes, what you play?" the manager inquires.
"Anything," says Stu, "Anything at all so long as I wrote it
meself."
"All... right -- can you do a little, say, smooth jazz?"
"Not a problem." Stu sits down at this stately old grand piano, and
plays this most velvety, intricate but accessible piece.
As the last notes ring out, the manager is noticeably impressed. "That was
great! What's it called?"
"Thoughts While Taking a Dump'," Stu answers.
"Oh...kay," the confused manager responds. "Well, how about
something a bit more up tempo, maybe some crossover?"
And sure enough, without missing a beat he performs the funkiest, sultriest
piece of music you ever heard.
"That's perfect!" the manager exclaims. "Does that have a
title?"
"Yeah, this one's called ‘My gums are Bleeding’."
Now, the restaurant's manager finds Stu strange indeed, to say the least, but
he's just so good, he has to hire him, on the one condition that he won't
introduce his works.
And sure enough, the next day he's bringing the house down over dinner and the
wait staff is flooded with guests sending him their compliments. Suddenly he is struck with a bad and urgent
case of diarrhea. Finally, he can't take it any longer and breaks off and
rushes to the bathroom ease his pain. As soon as he is finished he rushes back
and starts playing again right where he left off.
When the song has finished a woman asked Stu, "Excuse me, do you know you
have a piece of toilet paper on your shoe?"
And Stu responds, "Know it? I WROTE it!"
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