Soleful JOW #1081

 Ruth told me a joke about shoes this week that I had not heard before and that got me thinking about shoes as a subject of humor. 

Before I begin the shoe jokes I have a public service announcement: 

The CDC now recommends wearing a seatbelt even when you are not in the car.

Here are the shoe jokes

“One shoe can change your life” – Cinderella

(Of course, Life is not a fairy tale.  If you lose your shoe at midnight, you are probably drunk.)

 

“So can two shoes” – Dorothy of Oz

 

Four shoes can help you win the Kentucky Derby – Secretariat

+++++++++++

Both the Boots and the Sandals feel that the Shoes take too much of the Feet's attention, so they formed an alliance.
One day, a Boot with a cold met up with his Sandal friend. They chat a bit.
"But are you sure there are no shoes around here?" The Sandal asks worriedly.
"Of course. I will keep a lookout and tell you if I see one!" The Boot replies.
This made the sandal feel calmer. They continue talking, but suddenly the Boot cries:
"A shoe! A shoe!"
"What? What? Where?" The Sandal looks around frantically, but spots no shoes.
"Sorry, I was just sneezing," says the Boot.

_____

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.

The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly

 

Shoe Riddles

·         What do you call expensive shoes?  Cashews.

·         What happens when you eat yeast and shoe polish?  Every morning you rise and shine

·         What kind of shoes does a spy wear? Sneakers.

·         What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.

·         What kind of shoes would an artist wear? Sketchers.

·         What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad.

·         What’s the best kind of shoes to sneak around in?  Leather... They’re made of hide.

·         If humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?  A reboot.

·         What do you call a dinosaur that wears boots and a cowboy hat? Tyrannosaurus Tex.

 

 

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I saw a Homeless person pushing a trolley full of horse shoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit feet.

I thought to myself ‘he's really pushing his luck.’

>>>>> 

A man gets a job interview to be a blacksmith and the first question he's asked is if he's ever shoed a horse.

"No," said the man, "but I did tell a donkey to go away once."

<<<<<< 

A man goes to a petrol station to fill up his car. The first pump doesn't work, the second pump doesn't work and the third pump doesn't work, so he goes inside and asks the woman attendant if she has her pumps on.

"No," she says, "I'm wearing my Ugg boots today."

------

Son: "Daddy, can you put my shoes on?"

Dad: "I can try, but I don't think they'll fit me."

~~~~~

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

'How do they feel?' asks the sales clerk.

'Well they feel a bit tight,' replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. 'Try pulling the tongue out,' the clerk says.

'Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.

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A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left was on the right and the right was on the left. She said, "Paul, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
He looked up at her and said, "No they're not, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

 

And finally, a non-shoe joke

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the séance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?"
A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you."
Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?"
"It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."
"What do you do all day?" asked Martha.
"Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."
Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?"
"Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha."
"Well, then, where are you?"
"I'm a rabbit in Arizona."