Sporting Season JOW #1104

 

It is the busy time for sports.  For a few weeks all four of the major spectator sports are in play.  In fact, with great days for golf and tennis, not to mention fishing and hunting going on it is a regular sportsman paradise.   Here are some sports related jokes along with a brief inspiring story.

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What vegetable can work as a sports announcer?

A common tater.

 

Due to lack of professional sports, ESPN televised the World Origami Championships.

It was paper view.

 

A man leaves home, makes three left turns, and is on his way back home when he notices two men in masks waiting for him.
They’re the catcher and umpire.

 

Did you hear? Detroit is building a new stadium at an undisclosed location.
They’re keeping it a secret because they’re afraid the Tigers might find out and try to play there.

 

Why did the Dodgers hire a baker?
They needed a new batter.

 

Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?
They aren’t allowed to travel.

 

My neighbor asked if I could pitch in money to help him buy the world's largest piece of sports equipment, and then get five of my friends to go in also.

I refused. I know it's just a big racket.

 

Why do football players like smart women?
Opposites attract.

 

How do you make Houston Texans cookies?
Put them in a bowl and beat them for three hours.

 

Where do football players go when they need new uniforms?
New Jersey.

 

Hockey players are like goldfish.
Just tap on the glass to get their attention.

 

What’s the difference between hockey and wrestling?
In hockey, the fights are real.

 

Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?
Because soccer and baseball are much more popular in Latin America.

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A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

 "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

There is even horse racing going on.

A man buys a train ticket on April 4. The ticket costs $44 and he notices that the ticket number is 4444. He finds the train at platform 4 and his seat is in train car 4, seat number 44. The train leaves at exactly 4:44.
When he arrives, he goes to the hotel that is on 44 West 44th Street and for some reason the hotel room number is 444.
The man is spooked by all these fours following him, but he gets an idea. He goes to the race track and places a $4,444 bet on horse number 4.
And, believe it or not, horse number 4 finishes at 4th place.

All kinds of sports jokes.

Doctor: “Do you do sports?”
Patient: “Does sex count?”
Doctor: “Yes.”
Patient: “Then no.”

And finally, an inspiring rags to riches story.

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in New York walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located. He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director:
-What do you think about the situation in the stock market?
The Director asks in turn arrogantly:
-Why are you so interested in that? Do you have money to invest?
"I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
“What's your name?” Asks the Director.
“John Smith.”
The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Service: “Do we have a client named John Smith?”
“Certainly,” answers the Customer Service Manager.  “He has a million dollars in his account.”
The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says: “Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you.”
At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members:
“We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.”
Mr. Smith began his story: “I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail.”
“Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.”
“I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.”
“Then, three months ago, my sister, who was a hooker in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars from her life insurance.”