Insurance, either health,
auto, or life, is no laughing matter.
But there are a lot of jokes on the subject. I hope you enjoy these.
My wife and I took out
life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.
I'm planning a camping
holiday but, I have to say, I'm far from impressed with my travel insurance.
It turns out if someone
steals my tent in the night, I'll no longer be covered.
How is a hospital gown
like insurance?
You're never covered as
much as you think you are.
My insurance agent told me
that I'm most likely to be involved in a car accident when I'm within a mile of
my home.
So I've decided to move to
a safer neighborhood.
The amount of advertising
on social media is super surprising.
What’s not surprising? How
much money you can save with GEICO Renters Insurance.
Hey! I saved a bundle on
car insurance, by switching....my car into reverse and leaving the scene of the
accident!
This really hot chick in
my apartment complex told me she wants us to be "friends with
benefits".
Does anyone know where I
can purchase a group health insurance plan?
My health insurance
company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I had a pre-existing
condition.
My local church had
troubles getting their insurance to pay for the lightning damage
The insurance claimed it
was deliberate damage by the owner.
Confucius say needing
insurance is like needing a parachute – if it isn’t there the first time,
chances are you won’t be needing it again.
Life insurance is a policy
that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.
Medical insurance is what
allows people to be ill at ease.
A man is asked by his
friends why he doesn't have a life insurance policy
"Because I want
everybody to be really sad when I die!" He grinned.
My dog, Case, swallowed my
proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in
Case.
What do you call someone
who specializes in selling insurance to hand models?
A digital security
specialist.
How many actuaries does it
take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last
year?
------
A young child tells her
mom she was playing "doctor" with another boy in the neighborhood.
Mom is somewhat shocked
and curious about what this "doctor play" entailed. She asked her
daughter "what did you do?"
The daughter replies "Oh nothing. I just sat in the exam room waiting for
him to show up, and he ended up charging my insurance twice.
++++++++++++
A man shuffles into the
doctor’s office, hunched over, wheezing, and clutching his stomach.
Doctor: “What’s the matter? Tell me the most prevalent symptoms.”
The man slowly replies. “I have aches all over, I have a cough that
sometimes has blood, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, but spend all day dry heaving.”
The doctor nods understandingly as he reads over the patient’s information on
his clipboard.
Doctor: “I’m going to have you go back home, have with some chicken soup, take
two aspirin, and get plenty of bed rest.
Then you won’t need to come back here.”
Man: “That’s all I have to do? Thanks so much doc, out of curiosity what do I
have?”
The doctor responds, “No insurance”
======
Three insurance salesmen,
Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.
"Last month,"
says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six
hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."
"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured
died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally delivered
a check to his family."
"Amateurs," says Carl. "Yesterday, one of my insured was fixing
the roof of my office building when he fell off the roof. I handed him his
check as he passed my window."
```````
Sue owned a storage place
and one day it burned down, so she called the insurance company.
She said, “I had that
storage place insured for sixty thousand dollars and I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Well
just a minute, Ma’am, because unfortunately it doesn’t work quite like that.
First, we will determine the value of the old store and provide you with a new
one of equivalent value.”
Sue paused for a minute
and then said, “Well, if that’s is the case, I’d like to cancel the policy on
my husband!”
>>>
“Do you know the present
value of your husband’s policy?” the life insurance agent asked his client.
The woman was confused and
asked, “What do you mean?”
The agent said, “Well if,
God forbid, you should lose your husband, then what would you get?”
The woman thought about it
for a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”
And finally, something
a little different.
A man and his wife are
looking for a job.
The man, unable to find
any employment in his field, decides to apply for anything he can find in the
hopes of earning enough to feed his family.
A few days later, he comes home overjoyed. His wife enquires, and he happily
said he found a job as a stuntman in a circus! The pay is good, he has great
insurance and he begins tomorrow what will be his main act, the human
cannonball. They both go to sleep happy, and the next morning the man leaves
for work.
Hours pass, and the man comes back home, with a very sad look on his face. His
wife enquires, and he explains..
"I went to work, I got into the cannon to be shot out but right after
that, I got fired!"
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