As I am sure you are aware, today is 22 February, or to put it another way, 22/2/22. That is a lot of twos. In fact today should be a ballerina because it has so many tutus. I have done a lot of jokes about words over the years, in fact I have even reposted some (foreshadowing alert), but I have not done any JOWs about numbers. My number is up. Here are some jokes about various numbers with a few math bits thrown in.
I have tried all my life
multiplying really large numbers by zero.
That amounted to nothing.
You know what seems odd to
me?
Numbers that aren’t
divisible by two
A group of numbers were
picking on 8 and he really h8'd it.
But when they pushed him
over he felt infinitely worse.
How do you make seven
even?
Just take away the ‘s’.
I don’t want to talk about
288 at all. It’s just two gross.
Did you hear about the
mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to
avoid them.
The number 29 was
murdered. The cops arrested all the numbers from 24 to 34.
But 31 was the prime
suspect.
6 was afraid of 7 because
789. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because he needed 3 square
meals a day.
So 6 was afraid of 7
because 789 but why was 10 scared?
Because 10 was in the
middle of 911
I am so mad that I can't
remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numbers
IM LIVID
Pi (π) and i (square root
of -1) are having a conversation.
i gets angry and shouts:
"Will you just be rational for a second!!!"
pi (π) replies: "Oh
get real."
The numbers 19 and 20 got
into a fight.
21
.......
The teacher asked one of
her young students if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said.
"I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes
after three?"
"Four," answers
the boy.
"What comes after
six?"
"Seven."
"Very good,"
says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.
`````````````````
A farmer got an idea for
how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all
bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country
road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light
display.
It took him some time to
gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his
farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset
came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.
The entire fence was covered in lights! Fence post after fence post, crossbeam
after crossbeam, it was the most dazzling, amazing collection of lights they'd
ever seen! The driver immediately called his friends and family and told them
to get out to the old country road and within hours, the traffic was backed up
for a mile.
At the end of the display, he had a couple of farmhands waiting with donation
buckets and sure enough, he raked in several hundred dollars that night. This
went on for weeks only getting more and more popular and even despite the high
electricity bill, he turned quite a profit on the display.
And so it went for the next few years. His light displays got more and more
elaborate. They synced to music. They twinkled in time to the passing cars.
There were LEDs and lasers, inflatable reindeer and glowing manger scenes, and
everything in between. He started to notice, however, that the number of cars
began to dwindle each night.
Whereas folks used to come from counties around to see the fence, the numbers
grew smaller and smaller each night. At the end of the season, he'd seen maybe
a tenth of the cars.
The months passed and November crept up again. The farmer headed down to the
feed and hardware shop to gather a few necessary supplies for the display and
couldn't help but overhear a couple of the customers talking.
"Yeah, it just ain't what it used to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, it
were pretty and all when he got it started, but something 'bout it nowadays
just ain't fresh."
"I know. I wish he'd do something different. Something original.
Everybody's got them Christmas lights now."
This incensed the farmer. He spent hundreds of hours every season making
something amazing for the world to see and they were treating it like so much
manure from his barn. He would show them.
He raced back to his farm and he ripped out every single light from post after
post. He tore out the inflatable Santa and knocked down the wise men. And when
he was done, he meticulously strung the exact same red and green lights on
every square foot of that fence. "I'll show them. They think they can take
me for granted, we'll see how they like this boring mess."
The first night of the display, the visitors (small in number as they may have
been), were astonished. Their phones lit up with dials to their friends and
neighbors. Soon enough, the line of cars stretched back miles and miles, longer
than it ever had in the heyday of the display.
The farmer shook his head while his farmhands stood agape at the traffic.
"I don't believe it! How could this be so popular?" the lead farmhand
asked the farmer.
"It's simple. Everybody says they want to see something original but what
really gets them going is the same old post over and over again."