Numbers JOW #1122

 As I am sure you are aware, today is 22 February, or to put it another way, 22/2/22.  That is a lot of twos.  In fact today should be a ballerina because it has so many tutus. I have done a lot of jokes about words over the years, in fact I have even reposted some (foreshadowing alert), but I have not done any JOWs about numbers.  My number is up.  Here are some jokes about various numbers with a few math bits thrown in.

 

I have tried all my life multiplying really large numbers by zero.

That amounted to nothing.

 

You know what seems odd to me?

Numbers that aren’t divisible by two

 

A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it.

But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.

 

How do you make seven even?

Just take away the ‘s’.

 

I don’t want to talk about 288 at all.  It’s just two gross.

 

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

The number 29 was murdered. The cops arrested all the numbers from 24 to 34.

But 31 was the prime suspect.

 

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3 square meals a day.

 

So 6 was afraid of 7 because 789 but why was 10 scared?

Because 10 was in the middle of 911

 

I am so mad that I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numbers

IM LIVID

 

Pi (π) and i (square root of -1) are having a conversation.

i gets angry and shouts: "Will you just be rational for a second!!!"

pi (π) replies: "Oh get real."

 

The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.

21

 .......

The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.

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A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.
The entire fence was covered in lights! Fence post after fence post, crossbeam after crossbeam, it was the most dazzling, amazing collection of lights they'd ever seen! The driver immediately called his friends and family and told them to get out to the old country road and within hours, the traffic was backed up for a mile.
At the end of the display, he had a couple of farmhands waiting with donation buckets and sure enough, he raked in several hundred dollars that night. This went on for weeks only getting more and more popular and even despite the high electricity bill, he turned quite a profit on the display.
And so it went for the next few years. His light displays got more and more elaborate. They synced to music. They twinkled in time to the passing cars. There were LEDs and lasers, inflatable reindeer and glowing manger scenes, and everything in between. He started to notice, however, that the number of cars began to dwindle each night.
Whereas folks used to come from counties around to see the fence, the numbers grew smaller and smaller each night. At the end of the season, he'd seen maybe a tenth of the cars.
The months passed and November crept up again. The farmer headed down to the feed and hardware shop to gather a few necessary supplies for the display and couldn't help but overhear a couple of the customers talking.
"Yeah, it just ain't what it used to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, it were pretty and all when he got it started, but something 'bout it nowadays just ain't fresh."
"I know. I wish he'd do something different. Something original. Everybody's got them Christmas lights now."
This incensed the farmer. He spent hundreds of hours every season making something amazing for the world to see and they were treating it like so much manure from his barn. He would show them.
He raced back to his farm and he ripped out every single light from post after post. He tore out the inflatable Santa and knocked down the wise men. And when he was done, he meticulously strung the exact same red and green lights on every square foot of that fence. "I'll show them. They think they can take me for granted, we'll see how they like this boring mess."
The first night of the display, the visitors (small in number as they may have been), were astonished. Their phones lit up with dials to their friends and neighbors. Soon enough, the line of cars stretched back miles and miles, longer than it ever had in the heyday of the display.
The farmer shook his head while his farmhands stood agape at the traffic. "I don't believe it! How could this be so popular?" the lead farmhand asked the farmer.
"It's simple. Everybody says they want to see something original but what really gets them going is the same old post over and over again."