Eating JOW #1138

Do you remember the dystopian old movie Soylent Green?  In the future, Earth is overpopulated and totally polluted; the natural resources have been exhausted and the nourishment of the population is provided by Soylent Industries, a company that makes a food they say consists of plankton from the oceans.  In the end the hero finds out that in reality “Soylent Green is people!”  Well that movie from 1973 was set in the year 2022.  Yikes. 

I have been thinking about food and eating lately.  It is a curiosity that for the first time in history, lots of people are more worried about eating too much food instead of getting enough.  Anyway, here are a few jokes about food and eating.

 

I used to think the four food groups were: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

 

A new study says people can eat health food for only an extra $2 a day.  Think of all the money I am saving.

 

When I eat cake I justify it by saying its ‘somebody’s’ birthday today.

 

According to the Mac and Cheese box I am an entire family of four.

 

Every time I try to eat healthy, along comes Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Friday, and Sunday.

 

If you are what you eat, there are a lot of people eating fruit cake these days.

 

Forget eating healthy.  At this point in my life I need all the preservatives I can get.

 

Helpful note: If you stir coconut oil into your kale, it makes it easier to scrape it into the trash.

 

You never realize how little self-control you have until the waiter at a Mexican restaurant puts chips and salsa in front of you.

 

Why is it that comfort food leads to so much discomfort later on?

 

If we weren't meant to eat animals then why are they made of meat?

 

It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than men who point that out.

 

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.

 

Restaurant sign – Eat here or we will both starve.

 

Eating too much cake is a sin of gluttony

However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.

 

Eating my clock took me all day.

It was very time consuming

 

What did Han Solo say when he saw Luke Skywalker eating without cutlery?

“Use the Forks, Luke”

+++++++

Waitress to family – “Kids eat free today.”

Parent – “In that case I will have a glass of water and the kids will have the steak and lobster with a glass of wine.”

 

When you wait for a server in a restaurant, doesn't that make you the waiter?

Me to server – “I am going to order broiled skinless chicken, but I want you to bring me lasagna by ‘mistake’.”

 

Ever wonder how veggies play?

Broccoli: “I look like a little tree”

Walnut: “I look like a little brain.”

Mushroom: “I hate this game.”

 

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first sex-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two."

 

The reason why many Americans don't eat healthy, is because eating healthy would cause you to lose weight.

And America never loses.

 

A well-meaning mom had a discussion with her five year old son explaining that eating too much junk food and snacks make him fat.
Fast forward to the afternoon, she was with him the bank lined up.  Remembering the conversation about eating too many snacks the boy turns around, with a smirk on his face and an awkward tone, he announces to the pregnant lady....
"Oh, I know what you've been doing"

````

Two women were in a restaurant and ordered fish.
The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other.
One of the women said to the other, "Please help yourself."

The other one said "Okay", and helped herself to the larger fish.
After a tense silence, the first one said, "Really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!"

The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"

~~~~
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

 

And finally.

Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a

sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each.

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Lookee here! We could buy a whole gob o’ these, take ‘em back to Georgia, sell 'em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.”
Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Georgia."
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, “I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I'll back up my pickup and...."
"The owner of the shop interrupts, "Y'all from Georgia, ain't ya?"
"Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba. "How come y'all knowed that?"
"Because this is a Dry-Cleaners."