Economical JOW #1173

 

I like to have a theme for my JOW.  Sometimes I look for things that are not considered funny – such as bad economic times.  Economics in general is a tough subject.  It’s hard to find economics jokes… there is not enough demand.  Make no mistake, Economics itself is ridiculously funny.  A few years ago, two economists shared the Noble Prize of Economics.  Their prizes were awarded for refuting one another’s work.   I suspect astrology was invented so that economics would seem like an accurate science. Here are a few economics jokes for you.

The economy is getting so bad that

·         I am getting pre-declined credit cards in the mail.

·         Exxon had to lay off 25 congressmen.

·         Motel Six won’t leave a light on.

·         Wall Street is not Wal-Mart Street.

·         CEOs are playing miniature golf

 

Books about the social contact and demand-side economics are hard to find.  They are under Locke and Keynes.

 

How many economists do you need to change a light bulb? You don't need any. If the light bulb really had to change, the market forces would have already made it happen.

 

Why is the work of an economist and a plumber so similar in nature? Both of them handle gross domestic product.

 

Which biblical character would have made a great economist? Noah, because while everyone's stocks were in liquidation, his were afloat.

 

Why didn't the banker tell any of his friends a capitalism joke? They couldn't afford to get it.

 

Why does Bernie Sanders prefer writing in lowercase? Hi isn’t too fond of capitalism.

 

What do you call an economist who hates to spend a lot of money on his books? An Economizer.

 

 What are the first two laws of economics? For each economist, there's supposed to exist an equal and opposite economist; the second law suggests that they're both wrong.

 

The economy is so bad that bedbugs are infesting sleeping bags and tents because they can’t afford to stay in hotels.

 

A socialist went to a modern economics school.  He got top Marx.

 

Economics professors make their students buy the textbooks the professors wrote.

It’s textbook economics.

 

A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages

When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "It’s cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."

 

In today's economy what do Gender Studies graduates bring to the table?

Your lunch.

 

Cat ownership is like the economy: 50% of cats are owned by the top 10% of cat lovers

 

When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink. The moral?

Invest in alcohol.

 

We should move to a herb based fuel economy.  We can finally make the trains run on thyme.

 

Wood fired pizza in this economy?

How's pizza gonna get a job now?

 

In the 1980s the Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:
“According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%.”
From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??

 

The young man’s girlfriend's father asked him what he did for a living, he was embarrassed to say that he worked at McDonald's, so instead, he said …

"I handle transactions for a multi-billion-dollar company on a daily basis and help provide around $2 billion to the US economy each year."

 

Two blondes were talking:

“This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose topless for a magazine.  I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!”

The other replied, “Well, if someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to warm weather and asks you to take off your clothes and dance around with your arms up…Don’t do it.  It’s a scam.  I wish I had known it yesterday.  I feel so stupid.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dove’s chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

 

You have to be odd to be number one.

 

Pollen is the snow of the south.

 

A truck hauling Ramen Noodles lost its entire load last week with estimated damages of $43.25.

 

If you don’t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.

 

People ask why I drink booze.  Actually I have a medical condition whereby my body does not produce its own alcohol, so I ‘m forced to take a supplement.

 

Alcohol – Cheaper than therapy.

 

Two books ran into each other.

“You look thinner somehow?”

“Yeah, I had my appendix removed.”

 

A customer walked into a clothing shop and asked to see the pants that were advertised in the paper that day.

“We don’t have an ad in the paper today,” the owner told her. She insisted he was wrong, so he got a copy of the paper, and they went through it, eventually landing on an ad for pants from another local store.

Exasperated, the customer glared at him and said, “In my newspaper, the ad was for this store!”

And finally:

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment—shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc.—he placed the boy in the chair.

“I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.”

“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. ”He just walked up, took me by the hand, and said ‘Come on, kid, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’”