Dog Star JOW #1194

 

I try to do a dog JOW during the dog days of summer.  I know that the ‘dog days’ are named after the dog star Sirius not canines.  This association goes back a long time.  Even Homer referenced it in the Iliad:

On summer nights, star of stars/

Orion’s Dog they call it brightest/

Of all, but an evil portent, bringing heat/

And fevers to suffering humanity/

Well, I haven’t had any fevers, but it is really hot.  As I have said before, ‘Hell’s minions on Earth get hardship pay when serving in Houston.’  I hope these dog-related jokes bring a smile in these hot, sultry days.

 

What do you call a dog that can’t bark?
A hushpuppy.

 

How do dog catchers get paid?
By the pound.

 

What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
They get their masters.

 

Why are Corgi jokes so similar?
All of them are really short.

 

Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.

 

When you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster, what do you get?
A cockerpoodledoo!

 

When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get?
A croaker spaniel.

 

What would happen if someone crossed a dog with a film studio?
You would find yourself in collie-wood.

 

What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.

 

What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower!

 

What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

A golden receiver.

 

 

In America, dogs are K9...

In China, dogs are E10.

 

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

Stay up all night wondering if there is a dog?

 

‘I can see for Miles!’

Said Miles' guide dog.

 

Why did the dog cross the road twice? He was trying to fetch a boomerang.

 

Our dog brings us the newspaper every day.  Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any.

 

The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, the neighbor told them, "Hey, dogs bark. It's human nature."

 

Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to nibble on him.
I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.

 

 A tough old dog limps into the Critter Bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the varmint who shot my paw.’ 

 

If your dog was barking on the front door and your wife knocking on the back door, who should you let in first?
– The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.

 

Our dog suddenly ran to the front door and barked. “Who is that?” my son asked.

– “It was the dog”, I responded.

 

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
– It was impossible to put down.

 

A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, "You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another 'Woof' for the same price."
The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. "But that would make no sense at all."

 

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” the rep said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” He further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

 

A king had 10 wild dogs that he kept to kill any minister that misguided him.
A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all.
So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said,
"I served you loyally 10 years and you do this?
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded "Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs, and I will show you a new thing."
The king agreed.
The minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days.
The guard was baffled but he agreed.
So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, and providing all sorts of comfort for them.
When the 10 days were up the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed; the fierce dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister.
The king was baffled at what he saw. ”What happened to the dogs?” He growled.
The minister then said; “I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn’t forget my service.
Yet I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”
The king realized his mistake and replaced the dogs with crocodiles.

 

Finally, here is a fresh take on one of my favorite jokes.

A dog runs up to their master carrying an unusual piece of wood.

Master: Hey boy, what do you got there?
Dog: *Bark*
Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark?
Dog: *Roof*
Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there?
Dog: *With the ladder*