Nun shall Pass JOW #1311

My theme for this this week is nuns.  Once quite common, nuns are becoming increasingly rare in this culture, but the image of religious women in their black and white habits is still strong.  Why did I pick this subject for my jokes?  I simply recalled a nun joke and the rest just flowed.

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What’s a nun’s favorite kind of bird? A “cardinal.”

 

What do you call families whose only connection is that they have family members in the same convent.

Nun-related

 

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.

 

What do you call a stealthy group of nuns with swords?

Nun-jas.

 

What did the priest say to get the nuns to stop spraying perfume?

Stop this nun scents!

 

Nuns love to play hide and seek. It’s a great way to test their “cloister-phobia.”

 

What do you call an unusual home for nuns?

Nun-convent-ional.

 

What do you call a nun that won’t work?

Nun-functional.

 

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked about it, and she replied, “It’s a bad habit.“

 

Two nuns walk into a bar.

The bartender is surprised and said, "Sisters, but are you sure this is the right place for you?"
"We know it's not, but the reverend told us to help sinful souls. We thought we could find one here."
The next day, two rabbis walk into the bar. The bartender also asks them.
"We know this is a sinful place, but the synagogue is just being renovated, and we thought we would sit here to discuss religious issues."
On the third day, two Irish priests walk into the bar. The bartender asks one of them,
"Father, I'm surprised to see you here."
"Why, my son?"
"It's only 10 a.m., and I've never seen you here before 11"

 

The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. One of the nuns added a generous amount of Irish whiskey to the milk and offered it again. Mother Superior drank it all and said, “Don’t sell that cow.“

 

Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them

Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can.
Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye.
While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel from the bed pan into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but I sure do admire your faith!"

 

A nun ruined her uniform and asked her tailor for a replacement.

Nearly three weeks later she angrily calls him asking what’s taking so long.

“I don’t know why you’re upset.” - He coolly replies. “It takes at least 21 days to form a new habit.”

 

Two nuns were riding their bikes together on their way to church one Sunday. The leading nun took new route that led to a steep downhill run over an old cobblestone road that ran right up to the church.  They held on desperately on the perilous ride down.

The first nun says to the second nun, "I've never come this way before".
The second nun says, "Yeah, I think was the cobblestones".

 

A man was on a business trip in New York and headed to a bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. As the man threw a few bucks into her cup, the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. Annoyed, the man said, “Sister, have you ever tried alcohol?”

“Of course not,” gasped the nun.

The man smiled and said, “Well, how about you try just one drink to see for yourself?”

The nun hesitated but agreed, saying, “I can’t be seen in a bar, but you could bring me a drink in this tin cup.”

Inside, the man asked the bartender for two scotch on the rocks, one in a tin cup. The bartender sighed and said, “Is that darn nun out there again?”

 

Three nuns die and go to Heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.

"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun. "Eve."

The gates swing open, and she enters.

"Where did Eve live?" He says to the second nun.

"The Garden of Eden."

The gates swing open once more.

St. Peter says to the third nun.

"Now, seeing as you're the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question. What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"

"Oh, that's a hard one..."

The gates swing open.

 

Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice that a man is following them.

Sister Michael, the older and wiser nun, says to the young and naïve Sister Patrick, "See that crossroad ahead? You go left and I'll go right: he can't follow us both. We'll meet back at the Abbey."

So, the sisters parted and the man followed Sister Michael. Sister Patrick was anxiously waited at the Abbey until Sister Michael returned alone.

"Thank the Lord you are alright!", exclaims Sister Patrick. "But what happened to that man?"

Well, replied Sister Michael, "After a few minutes, I stopped and pulled up my dress." Sister Patrick stares in shock. "Then," continues Sister Michael, "he stopped and pulled down his trousers."

Sister Patrick gasps. "Oh Sister, why would you do that?"

"Because" explains Sister Michael, "a nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his trousers down!"