All Wet JOW

We have had some rain here in the greater Houston area, and that means flooding. People continue to build in flood plains and pave over every square foot of land in the area, so it is pretty much expected. All this water reminded me of one of my favorite jokes.

A man was sitting on his front porch when it started to rain. The rain came down harder and harder and the man realized that it was a flood. So the flood waters were rising and when the water started to spill over the porch, the National Guard in a big truck comes by.
"Need any help?" they ask him.
But the man said, "Nope, the Lord will take care of me!"
A few hours later, the man was standing on a chair on his front porch and another rowboat comes by. The man in the boat yells, "Need any help?"
But the man smiles and says, "Nope, the Lord will take care of me!"
A few hours later, the man is on his roof and a helicopter comes by and the pilot inside yells, "Need any help?!"
But the man just says, "Nope! The Lord will take care of me!"
A few hours later, the flood gets to be too much for the man and he drowns.
When he enters Heaven, he asks the Lord, "Lord, why didn't you take care of me?"
The Lord says, "Well, I sent you the National Guard, a rowboat and a helicopter!"

A guy walks into the doctors office with a radish in one ear, an olive in the other, a cherry tomato in one nostril and some parsley in the other.
"I don't feel so good," he says to the doctor.
"Well," the doctor replied, "that's because you're not eating right."

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Tiffany’s favorite joke: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

"I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I see that I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin

Every morning when I get up, I read the obituary page. If my name's not there, I shave. - George Burns

Wise words from Wayne Campbell in the movie Wayne's World: You know I thought I had mono once for an entire year--turned out I was just really bored.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she catches me in bed with another woman. - Steve Martin on relationships

From Bil
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." – Anonymous (Oh prudent man!)

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. – Same anonymous guy

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Sam Kinison

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...